High School // Malec

Chapter 36.

Trying to explain with words how afraid I was to see my father's slim black Tesla in the parking lot felt almost impossible. All I wanted was to come home, grab some stuff that I needed and then return back to the safety of Magnus's apartment, but know I that my plan has failed. In the exact moment that I'm going to step trough the front doors of the house that I have been spent my whole childhood in, hell is going to break lose. All the pain that I have tried to escape is going to come back to me, almost like a nightmare, the only difference is that I'm awake. I won't lie, I'm terrified of my own father. He has never physically abused me, but he hasn't had to do it. His words has hurt me more than a puch to the face ever will. I have tried to come up with over a hundred of reasons why I should hate him, but I can't and that's exactly what a lot of people don't understand. We can't hate our abusive parents, no matter how much they hurt us. They brought us to the world and without them, we wouldn't be here. I know, that might not be the best reason to not hate them, but it's pretty much the only reason. I have no rights to complain anyways. I mean, it could have been worse. Robert Lightwood might not be the father of the year, but he has never laid a finger on me. Magnus however, his case is a lot worse. His stepfather has physically and emotionally hurt him more than once and as far as I know, that is not okay. No one deserves to live in a home filled with pain and misery, not even the worst kind of bully.
- Alexander, are you okay?
Magnus worried voice broke me out of my thoughts and when I turned my attention towards him, he looked at me with a concerned expression.
- I'm fine
- We can go to my apartment if you want. You don't have to face your father if you're not ready
I thought about his suggestion for awhile, but deep down, I already knew the answer. Sooner or later, I would have to face my father and confront him about my feelings. After all, my father was the one who pushed me to the edge and almost made me jump from a bridge.
- No, I have to do this, I answered
Magnus nodded as response and the the of us started walking towards the all to familiar front door. The house felt empty as Magnus and I reached the entrance hall, but I could swear that I heard something coming from the kitchen. I took one last deep breathe and thereafter, I started walking towards the direction of the sound with Magnus not far behind. What my eyes came across when I walked into the kitchen made my whole body freeze. My father sat around the dinner table with his head in his hands. The sound that I had heard when we stepped into the house was coming from him and by the sound of it, I think he was crying. It felt really strange to see someone who always is so powerful suddenly so broken and weak.
- Dad? I asked and tried everything in my powers to sound confident
He looked up at me and that's when I saw his eyes that starred back at me with so much pain that it made the lump in my throat grow bigger.
- What happened? I asked, trying to get him to at least talk to me
- It should have been you, he whispered back as an answer
- What are you talking about?
- It should have been you, he repeated and suddenly, the pain in his eyes was replaced my anger
He stood up from the chair he was sitting on and started to walk towards me, but before I got the change to react, Magnus placed his body in front of mine, blocking my fathers way so he couldn't touch me
- Mr. Lightwood, I deeply recommend that you calm down and tell us what's going on. No need to get violent, Magnus said calmly
I could tell that the anger in my father's veins wouldn't just disappear that easily but for some reason, he took a few steps back and let his fists slowly fall to his sides.
- Good. Now, tell us what happened? Magnus asked and looked at Robert
- It's Max, my father answered and the tears started to stream down his already red cheeks once again
- What happened to him? Magnus asked with a concerned voice
I decided to let him talk, since that probably was the best idea. I didn't feel strong enough to talk at the moment, especially since I knew what was about to come next.
- He's dead
When those two words left his mouth, it was like my whole world stopped spinning around me. My chest felt heavy and all I wanted to do was scream out in pain. I saw how Magnus turned his attention towards me and I saw how his lips were moving, but it was like I couldn't hear him. The only thing I could hear was those two words, repeating themselves in my mind.
- How? How did he die? I stuttered
- He fell down the stairs and hit his head. We called an ambulance but when they arrived, it was already too late, my father answered
Instead of saying something more, I walked out from the kitchen and continued walking until I was no longer in the house. I had no idea where I was going, but I could no longer stay in the house where my baby brother had died. How could I not have been there? I was supposed to protect Max from everything evil in this world, but I couldn't.
- Alexander, where are you going?
Not even Magnus voice made me stop walking. I had to get away from here as fast as possible and it doesn't matter for how long I have to walk.
- Alexander, that's enough
Magnus had suddenly taken a really tight grip around my arm, pulling me closer towards his body.
- Let me go, I said with a stern voice
- Alexander please, don't do this, Magnus whispered painfully
- What the hell am I supposed to do? My baby brother is dead, I yelled
My little breakdown made Magnus wince and before I knew it, he wasn't holding into me anymore.
- Trust me, I know how you feel, but you need to calm down
- Know how I feel? Are you fucking kidding me? You have absolutely no right to tell me that you know how I feel. Your mother killed herself. Do you know what that means? She chose to die because she couldn't stand you anymore. Max didn't want to fucking die, I yelled once again
It wasn't before I had stop talking that I realised what I just had said, but for some reason, I didn't even care. It's a big difference between suicide and death by accident
- How can you say that? Magnus asked with a shaky voice and tears streaming down his face
Even this time, I felt nothing. It was like I didn't even care that the one I loved stood in front of me, crying because of something I said. I wasn't even sure if I loved him anymore. My whole body felt numb and to my surprise, I hadn't even cried yet.

// TBC \\

Wow, this story took a whole new level of sadness🙈

-Mathilda

By the way guys, don't forget to check out my new book. It's called "War is coming" and it's based on season 3 of SH😍

I love you all and thanks for always supporting me❤️

Q: Do you guys want a happy ending or a sad ending?