More Than a Coincidence (An Ereri/Riren fanfiction)

Chp 14

(Trigger Warning)

It's been a little more than 2 months since I've moved in with Hanji and things have been going well. Countless dinners together with Erwin and Levi keep us all up to speed on what goes on in our lives.

Yet even though we are all so close, I still feel uncomfortable talking to them about the dark things in my head. Levi is sort of an exception, for some reason he has good advice for my situation and it makes me even more curious about his background. Levi respected my wishes that he did not inform Erwin or Hanji of the scars he found or the knife. Of course, Armin is the one I confide in the most but even he doesn't know about my recent.... activities.

Sitting in my room, the loneliness takes over. I don't understand how I can have so many people in my life and yet still feel so alone. Other than Armin, my father was all I had after mom died, growing up was hard without a mother figure, instead I had God. Looking back now makes me mentally laugh at myself. I was brainwashed. God's plans, responsibilities, and faith were all I knew. It seemed all good and well, yet there was underlying anger and hatred that I learned. Right from wrong was relative in this situation and I was blinded by my father's light to see the truth. But now that I've escaped I can see clearly, I finally accepted who I was.

But who I am, my father despises. Why does he have so much hate? And why for me? Just because I don't like girls? I mean I can't give him grandchildren but I doubt he's even thought of that. He was probably too busy praying to God to help me get back on the "right track."

"Shit!" I hissed in a whisper. I was so lost in thought and hadn't realized how hard I was pressing the sharp knife into my thighs. Blood began to flow faster out of the wound...too much. I pressed a tissue on it, cleaned them of the red liquid, and threw the stained tissue in my trash can. I feel terrible for breaking my agreement with Levi, for not telling Armin, for falling so low. Ashamed, I place the metal knife back in its box.

My bed was tucked in the corner of the small room and I squeezed myself into it as close as possible. The long side of the bed ran along the wall where I hid the small box between the wall and mattress. I pull my legs to my chest and bury my head in them. As the first tears begin to fall, a nearly silent knock came from my door.

I lift my head and quickly wipe my face in an attempt to clear any sign of my distress. I clear my throat in vain for I still called out in a raspy voice, "C-come in." The door slowly opens revealing raven black hair and metallic blue eyes.

"Hey..." He muttered.

"Hi, um w-what's up?" I ask.

Levi shuts the door quietly behind him and walks over to my bed. He motions, asking if he could sit so I nod and press myself further into the corner. At first, he just sits on the side looking at the floor. After a short awkward silence, he shifts to lean against the wall with one leg extended and the other bent with his fingers laced together around it. He stayed silent for a while again and I peered at him through my peripherals. He fiddled with his engagement ring and looked like he wanted to talk about something important.

"How are you feeling?" He finally asked with a low and quiet voice.

I instantly know what he means and think of the countless cuts on my thighs and then I realize something... I'm sitting here in my spandex shorts.... three feet from him. My face immediately heats up so I look at the floor.

"Um yeah, I-I'm good." I calmly say.

"You sure?" He asks with worry.

"Yeah... My wrists are still clear." I say. Feeling his stare on me I cautiously look over.