More Than a Coincidence (An Ereri/Riren fanfiction)

Chp 18

(TRIGGER WARNING!!!)

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(Still Levi's P.O.V.)

It was as if my soul was crushed within me. For a fraction of a moment I froze, not wanting to believe the scene my eyes took in. "EREN!" I yell as I rush over to the side of the small bathtub. Eren laid, eyes closed, submerged in water tinted a pinkish red. "Nonononono! Eren!" I see remains of a razor blade taken apart on the tile floor. I lift him up a bit, not caring about the water spilling out due to the movement, and lightly shook him. It was no use, he was unconscious. My voice broke as I shrieked, "HANJI! Eren! Say something!" 

A feeling of small relief fell over me as he slowly opened his eyes. The beautiful green color I was used to seeing, was clouded and dull. He spoke in the most broken voice that shook every nerve in my body, "I-I couldn't do it." He weakly muttered.

"It's ok, I'm here. HANJI!" I yell in a panic as Eren falls back into unconsciousness. I snake my arms under him and lift his naked body out of the water just as Hanji runs in. Before she can say anything I instruct, "Get me a towel! Now!" She grabs me one hanging up and I wrap it around Eren's thin frame as if it were a blanket. I knew he was skinny but he was surprisingly light and for some reason that made me even sadder. 

I sit on the hard floor leaned against the tub with Eren's limp body in my arms as I took a closer look at his wounds. About half a dozen deep cuts ran across his left forearm. What did he mean by "he couldn't do it?" I then notice the beginning of a vertical gash that maybe went a few centimeters starting at the base of his palm before stopping. So that's what he meant, he couldn't go through with actually killing himself, but this was still way too fucking close!

"Hanji get the first aid kit! We don't need to call an ambulance, he's not in danger."

She runs out of the room and I hold his still bleeding arm. I move him so he was curled up in my lap and I could hold him close. He was cold to the touch and I kept pressure over the gashes on his wrist, stopping the bleeding. My clothes were soaked and stained with his blood but I didn't care. My clothes were the least of my worries, all I wanted to do was hold this brat and make all his pain go away.

I should have just talked to him earlier. This is all my fault. I failed him. Eren, please wake up.

Hanji returned with the first aid kit and she helps me wrap his arms with gauze. The bleeding finally stopped and things calmed down. Hanji began to clean the bathroom but I refused to move from my position. She sat against the doorframe after emptying the tub and I watched the bloody water disappear down the drain.

Another 5 minutes pass and he was still out, but his breathing slowed and I felt his heartbeat in a steady rhythm. Hanji fell asleep due to her lack of sleep as well and I closed my eyes and began to rock us side to side as I held my arms tightly around his torso. "Shh, it's ok, everything is gonna be......ok."

I honestly couldn't say whether or not I was telling Eren that or just trying to reassure myself. I've never felt anything close to what I felt at this moment. The feeling of helplessness was above all the worst of everything I felt. More than the regret, the fear, the devastation, confusion, anger, everything. Why can't I keep him safe? Why do I keep failing him? I just wanted him to wake up so one, I could tell him how much of an idiot he is but more so I can just know he's okay. How does this kid have such an effect on me? Is it just 'cause I see myself in him? Because I feel pity? No. That's not it. Not all of it at least. I don't understand.

It wasn't too long after that when Eren began to stir. "Eren?" I whisper.

He blinked his eyes open, "Nhn.... w-wha- L-Le-"