The Holt Conundrum

first march

It's March and Holt and I have a lot of school work, so we go to a coffee shop to try being productive.

We're sitting face to face and then at one point, Holt's face lights up and he's smiling at someone behind me and says, "Hey Penny!" I turn around to see who he's talking to. I frown at her thinking, who's this bitch I'll have to fight. She waves and smiles at him, coming our way.

"Oh my god Holt, how are you! It's been so long," she says while Holt gets up to hug her. I wonder if it'll be called a cat fight when I get up and pull her off of Holt by the hair.

"I didn't know you went to college here," he tells her.

She's still smiling. "I don't. I'm just visiting my boyfriend." God exists and he loves my fabulous gay ass!

I must be making faces because Holt seems to suddenly realize he's not alone. "We went to school together," he explains to me.

I try not to imagine them doing it under bleachers. She's got a boyfriend. Technically, she shouldn't be a problem.

"What are you guys doing?" she asks.

"Just working on our papers. Oh sorry, this is Eliah, my fr—my roommate," he tells Penny, motioning towards me. I don't comment on the fact that he was about to say friend but totally backtracked and said roommate. I don't think it's because he doesn't consider me as a friend though.

"Nice to meet you," I say, holding out my hand to her.

She shakes it and replies, "nice to meet you too."

"So, what are you doing here?" Holt wonders.

"I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to get off work so we can go have dinner. Thought I'd grab a coffee to kill some time."

"You can hang with us. We won't be that much good company, but at least you won't be alone."

She agrees, pulls a chair and sips on her coffee sitting closer to Holt than I think is necessary.

They chat a little now and then and I catch a part of what they're saying swapping news about people from their high school and just catching up. They're not saying anything scandalous so I don't pay too much attention.

At one point, Holt goes to the bathroom and it's just me and Penny and she smiles at me and asks out of the blue, "So, you guys are friends?"

I nod. "Yep, friends slash roommates."

"That's nice for him."

That comment makes me frown a bit. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, I mean he never really had any friends in high school and before that too."

"What? Why? He's hot." I have to admit there's a lot that I don't now about Holt. I know his digestive habits, but I'm clueless about his family and his life before living with me. I've always figured he doesn't have a good self esteem, which makes no freaking sense, if I looked like him I would be surrounding myself with sugar daddies and ask to be showered with Dom Perignon champagne. I have no idea where that non-existent self esteem comes from.

"Precisely. He's too hot. He never really had any girlfriends either. All the girls were too intimidated by him. No one had the guts to go up to him. And all the guys hated him because they knew all the girls liked him. He had these two friends in the football team. They were complete douche bags. They used say the meanest thing about him in his back. And Holt would just take it all with his sad little smile."

Why is he always breaking my heart? I can totally picture it, and I can hear him say it's okay, I'm used to it. "Weren't you friends with him?" I ask her.

"Kind of, but I was one year older than him, so we didn't really cross path that much."

When Holt comes back we act like that conversation never happened and soon Penny leaves to meet up with her boyfriend.

I have a hard time finishing up my paper because all I can think about is sad beautiful Holt sitting alone at lunch time in high school, still trying to smile and it breaks my fucking heart.

When we're driving home, and I'm waiting for the light to turn green I blurt out, "so, don't take this the wrong way, but you know we're friends, right? When you introduce me to people you can say I'm your friend, I'm not just your roommate. Heck with how much I see of you compared to everyone else, you're probably my best friend."

I see him staring at his shoes from the corner of my eyes. "I don't have a lot of friends."

"Yeah, just an endless string of groupies," I tease him.

"I mean it."

I smile a little at him, so he'll take comfort in it. "I know."

"You're probably my best friend too," he adds softly.

It really sucks that I can't kiss him right now. Instead I just say, "Aw Smooches, I'm honoured. We should totally go get matching bracelets now!"

That makes him laugh. That was totally the point. "Whatever you want Boo."

"See, that's why you're my bestfriend," I shove his arm a little with my elbow, "you totally know to just say yes to whatever my fabulous self says we should do."

We're both smiling now. The light turns green. I start driving again.