It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's September and my dad has cancer.
One day I'm just living my life and the next my father calls me to tell me he's got bladder cancer.
I'm freaking the fuck out. Like, that's the understatement of the century. I am not okay. He can't have cancer. It's not possible. He's in good shape. He's never sick.
He can't be... he can't be dying.
I can't lose my dad. Just, can't.
We always tease my dad saying that he's a big softy, but the truth is, he's the heart of our family.
And forget about me, my mom could never go on without my dad. After over twenty years of marriage they're still sickeningly in love. There's no Mom without Dad and no Dad without Mom. It's just not possible.
The minute I learn the news, I drop everything and drive directly to my parents' place. Holt comes along. I don' have the strength to tell him off. Truth is, I need my best friend. Holt stares at me with worry during the whole car ride. I think about the fact that we're having too many silent car rides lately.
Eloise is already there with her boyfriend when I park my car in the familiar driveway. She clearly didn't follow the speed limit.
I hug my parents for too long the second I see them. And Dad is there smiling at us like this is no big deal, like he's got a bad flu, not freaking cancer.
I can see how Mom and Eloise are freaking out so I try to stay calm. I try to not let it show, how close I am to breaking down.
"Sure, it's alright, they caught it early, everything is going to be alright," I try to keep repeating that, like saying it over and over will make it real.
Catching it early doesn't mean it's not there, doesn't mean there can't be complications or just a million things going wrong.
I feel stupid, like maybe I should have studied medicine or something more useful than just journalism so I could help Dad. No one in our family knows anything about medicine. We really dropped the ball there.
I try to keep my cool, but at one point I just hide myself in the bathroom and I just kind of lose it and let myself cry.
And of course, that's exactly when Dad decides to walk in.
He immediately goes to hug me. "Hey, hey, Eliah, it's alright. I'm okay. We're okay."
I clutch at his back and I'm not about to let go. It still feels weird, to be taller than him now. "It's not okay Dad, it really isn't."
"I'm immortal until proven otherwise, don't worry kid," he jokes.
"I love you Dad, I really really love you."
"And I love you too Eliah. You're our little miracle."
Mom and Dad call us that sometimes, me and Eloise. They had a hard time conceiving. Mom is older than Dad and they had two miscarriages before they had us.
The reality of our parents aging is catching up with us. I really don't like it.
Dad is set to have his operation in one week. Eloise and I aren't going anywhere until then. Eloise's boyfriend needs to go back to work, but Holt doesn't have anything pressing so he sticks around. He helps Mom with making the meals and with house work and just picking up anything that she needs help with. He helps Dad with rescheduling his seminars. He's like a silent helper. Anytime he's not in the room and it's just me and Mom, she keeps telling me how grateful she is that he's there.
I'm really grateful too.
Ben calls me and offers to come over and help out but I tell him we'd rather just be the family together. I'm not about to introduce him to my parents because my father has cancer. This is so not the time, and I don't want to have to deal with Ben, while also trying to keep my cool while my father is dying.
When it's finally time for his operation, Mom sits between Eloise and me and we just both clutch at one arm, not letting her go anywhere.
At one point Holt goes to get us something to eat. Eloise keeps sniffling.
"Don't worry sweetheart, he's not going anywhere," Mom tells my sister. "He doesn't have my permission."
"And dad always listen to what you tell him?" she answers, in a voice mixed with laughter and crying.
"When it counts, of course." She kisses her temple. "Let's not worry him more by making him feel like he needs to comfort us all the time. We should comfort him."
"Mom, I want to take this moment to inform you that you and dad are not allowed to die. Like ever," I tell her, squeezing her arm more tightly.
She smiles softly and kisses my temple too.
"You'd be fine without us." My twin and I immediately protest. Mom ignores us. "I'm glad you two have such great boyfriends."
"Holt's not my boyfriend Mom," I whine. Good thing he isn't here to hear this conversation.
Mom chuckles, kisses my temple again. It's such a mom thing. "Oh son, you're so much like me and your dad, I don't know if I should be proud or sad."
I narrow my eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She doesn't have time to answer. The doctor comes out at that moment, walking towards us.
