Chapter 14
I'd arranged with Shawn earlier on to have a chauffeured town car, just in case. I'd learnt there was no way I could drive any of my distinctive cars to a show even in LA. We normally vaned in and out as a band. But tonight I wanted to be alone.
I opened the door for her, she climbed in sliding across the seats. Climbing in beside her I reached for her hand again. She flinched a little. "Sorry, I think if I stop touching you, you'll disappear or I'll wake up and you won't be real."
"It's ok I understand it's all just a bit surreal. I still can't believe it's happening." She shuffled a little closer to me, I pulled her against me. It was surreal, we hadn't even talked yet. Nothing had been said but something deep inside of me needed her close to me. The words would come later.
Bianca
We drove through the gates and up to the house looking down to the valleys and houses in LA. We had still barely spoken on the drive, enjoying just being with each other. Hands gently caressing each other, tamely not even in a sexual way, in a odd contented lost lovers way. We walked into the house hand in hand, "Wow that's some view." Making my way towards the windows, watching the distant lights twinkle. Just like all the hopes and dreams of the people coming to Hollywood hoping for their break.
"As much as I can think of other, more fun things to do I can see you have things you want to talk about first. Would you like a glass of wine?" I nodded and smiled, words having lost me. He opened the wall of glass doors "it's warm out, take a seat where ever you want."
I made my way out to the patio, sitting on a plush white chaise, taking a deep breathe. It was finally hitting me that it was time to tell him. I can't chicken out now, it wasn't fair to him, me or Noah. Noah my light, my sun, my everything. Placing both glasses of wine on the table next to us. Sitting opposite me on the chaise pulling me close to him and wrapping my legs around him, before handing me my glass of wine.
"So spill whatever has you looking like that, like you want to tell me I have a secret love child." The gasp that came from me was audible I held my breathe, as he tensed against me "Bianca....."
"Give me a minute" I guzzled my wine as that's the only word for it, some part of me vaguely aware that it was a top quality wine. As I placed my now empty glass of wine on the table I looked back at him, his handsome usually broken out in a silly grin, now creased with concern.
I took a deep breathe, laced my fingers with his and took all the courage with in my and looked him in the eyes.
"That night I left, I thought I was leaving to protect myself from the rock star I knew you'd become. From the heart ache I imagined in my future. I thought if I cut all ties. If I didn't leave any way for either of us to find each other, it would save us. I went back to school, I graduated with my teaching diploma. It was a proud moment. I then came down with what I thought was a horrible bought of stomach flu. I was bed ridden for a week. I went to the doctor. I found out I was three months pregnant." I had to give it to him, he didn't react he just nodded encouraging me to continue. "For the first week after I was in shock, I was so happy but scared. Once the shock had worn off, I thought about you. I thought about calling you. I was so scared you'd reject me, our baby growing inside of me. That you'd think I was just another groupie wanting something out of you. My father left when I was two, I think I still have some abandonment issues from that. When I was seven months pregnant my friends had convinced to give you the chance, give you the chance to be there. That If you were the amazing person I told them all you were that you'd want to know to be there, for me, for him."
"Him" he whispered "Sorry continue"
"Sorry I think if I stop I won't continue. By that point you'd taken off, the band was well known. It was harder than I thought, I was passed between personal assistants. No one thought I was sincere. After a month of trying I gave up. As our son grew inside me I couldn't take it anymore. I decided I had be strong for both of us. The day he was born I couldn't stop thinking of you. How you were missing out on all those firsts. I named him Noah, in honour of you. To be able to say to him one day. I named you after your father. I told him about you all the time, I played him your albums, he always knew. I rarely told others but I always told him. He calls you daddy rock star. He wants to know you, he wants to be like other kids. So that's why I came. No other ways of trying to get in touch worked. So I stuck on my iconic scarf, knowing you would feel me, see me. I'm sorry." I squeezed his hands waiting for his response.
