Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Four

I kept seeing Matthew almost every day for the next two months. Everything was perfect, we even expanded to eating frozen yogurt, having dinner and going to see movies just before they left the theaters. Most of the time we would be the only ones in the theater and I would demand he subject me to his terrible kissing. Every time I saw him it was harder to leave. When I wasn't around him, I was thinking about him and I liked thinking about him.

In school we didn't talk, and I told him to continue on with what he usually did, including pursuing women. As much as I didn't want to say it, I had to remind myself that we weren't dating, even though we may have been. I also reminded him that this wouldn't last forever because soon someone would see us and Ray would find out, or Ray and Maggie would break up and I wouldn't be able to go out unless he came. He didn't like me telling him those things and told me none of that mattered right now, what mattered was that we were happy. After a while I stopped reminding him and myself.

When you stop worrying about something happening, that is when it tends to happen.

It was Friday and I was supposed to see a movie with Ray, so the night before I went out to eat frozen yogurt since Matthew was hung up about gaining weight.

Ray was a bit off that morning after one of his friends stopped him and whispered something in his ear. I was nervous, I asked him what he had said but he refused to tell me, which was the first sign it was something bad. The second sign was, he was looking for someone, he didn't say he was, but he didn't try to hide how he scanned every face we passed.

It didn't take long for him to lock eyes with the one he was looking for- Matthew's.

I saw the look on Ray's face turn to rage and I glanced at Matthew who already saw what was coming next and seemed to brace himself. When I looked next to me, Ray was already gone. I barely had time to blink before his fist met with Matthew's cheek.

I panicked and ran to Ray. I pulled on his arm and screamed for him to stop. He threw another punch to Matthew's face, but Matthew wouldn't fight back. Everything was happening so fast and I just wanted Ray to stop and to listen to me, but he wouldn't.

Matthew stood there, ready for another hit. I couldn't let him take another hit.

I forced myself in between them, "STOP!" I screamed, but Ray wouldn't listen. I was so tired of him using his strength to run my life. I wanted to show him I was strong and didn't need him like he thought I did. Without fully thinking I swung my fist and hit Ray in the eye. He staggered back for a second and the entire hallway went silent around us. Ray didn't seem to realize it was me that hit him because he went for Matthew again, but Matthew hadn't moved. My right hand hurt so bad, so I swung again with my left hand catching his other eye.

I have never got into any fights, but Ray made sure I knew how to throw a punch in case I ever needed to defend myself. I don't think this was how he imagined me using it.

Ray stared at me, stunned. I could see more than his pride hurting. I saw betrayal, pain, hate.

"Leave him alone!" I said, "He didn't do anything!" I could feel the tears running down my face.

"He knows exactly what he did!" He put his finger in my face and I slapped it away, "He knows! That's why he doesn't even fight back!"

"No Ray, I told him I didn't want you guys to fight! He won't fight you because I don't want him to! I'm tired of you and your stupid rules for my life!"

"Oh, so you guys are friends now? What happened to the promise you made?"

"Fuck your promise Ray! He is my boyfriend and nothing you do will change that!"

"ENOUGH!" Principle Johnson yelled. "All three of you, my office, now."

Ray led the way and I turned to look at Matthew, I expected him to look scared or upset, but he was smiling. "Why are you smiling?" I whispered.

"You called me your boyfriend."

"Don't let it go to your head."

The three of us took a seat in front of the principles desk and he rubbed his forehead.

"Mr. Allen, I assume you started this one." He stated.

Ray nodded.

"Do I even want to know why?"

"You don't, sir, I'll just take my suspension and see you next Thursday."

The principle seemed to agree with these terms because nothing more was discussed. I assumed this was how it worked with them. "Miss Allen, what is your involvement?"

"Um... well-"

"She wasn't involved, she just stopped it." Matthew jumped in.

I went to open my mouth to object but they both kicked me.

"That's true." Ray agreed.

Principle Johnson didn't look convinced, but he seemed like he had better things to do.

"Mr. Picton, see you on Thursday as well. Miss Allen, see you Tuesday."

I had never been suspended but I felt it was worth it.

When we walked out of the office, I realized that we were supposed to leave the school for the rest of the day. I didn't want to go home because I knew I would probably be in the worst trouble I have ever been in.

We all signed out of school and I was holding Matthew's hand but Ray pulled on my arm. "Let's go, Rita."

I snatched my arm away from his grip, "Fuck off Ray, I am not going with you. I'll be home later." I walked off with Matthew and got in his truck. I didn't bother to look back because I knew he was either staring at me pissed off or stormed off.

The moment I closed the car door I began crying hysterically. Matthew reached over and pulled me closer to him. I have never defied Ray in my life. I have never been mad at him longer than a day, but right now I felt like I hated him. For once I wished he would trust me and talk to me instead of just jumping in defense mode and making everyone scared of him. It killed me to hit him, but I knew he was wrong. I was never scared of Ray, but I never thought I would have to defend someone from him. I didn't get why he hated Matthew so much. What happened was four years ago, no one cared and he shouldn't either.

"It's okay, I'm sorry it got to that point. I would have let him keep going. I knew it would happen eventually." Matthew said pushing my hair behind my ears. He lifted my face to his and wiped my tears.

"But that doesn't make it okay. I just want him to trust me to make my own mistakes. You didn't deserve that. I know if he saw how good you were to me he wouldn't hate you. All I could think is how I wanted him to stop hitting you or for you to fight back. But you didn't, and I just reacted."

"I know, hun." He kissed my forehead. "As much as it meant to me, I know it hurt you to do that. I never want to come between you guys like that. I figured he would be upset, but I never thought it would be like that. You can't choose me over him, he is your brother. People will come and go, but he will be there forever protecting you and loving you until the day you die."

"I know, but I don't care about choosing anyone over the other, he was wrong. I'd do it again. It's not just about him trying to beat you up because you were with me. It's also about him thinking I need him to tell me what I can and can't do with my life. It's like he prepared me to be out in the world, but he won't let me be in it. Who do you think taught me how to throw a punch? He has constantly taught me how to defend myself and what never to let a guy do to me, but he throws a fist anytime a guy even looks at me. I can't do it. I am not letting him take you away."

"I'm not going anywhere." He said and placed a kiss on my lips.