Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Twenty-One

Monday morning Matthew and I rode to school together so Ray and Victor can talk alone. I was sure Victor wouldn't forgive Ray, but at the time I really hoped he would. I had texted him the night before and he seemed unsure of what to do, but I told him that he needed to let Ray know what his concerns were. I knew if Victor was honest, Ray would be less annoying about it.

"I noticed you haven't been having any nightmares or breakdowns. I think around the time the Ray and Victor incident happened." Matthew said as we drove.

I thought for a second and realized he was right. "Huh, I guess not. I haven't been thinking about it as much."

"Not even your mom?"

"Sometimes I think about her, but it is easier for me to get distracted. I guess I have been really obsessed with the Ray stuff and I think the Rita Sundays keep me distracted too. I spend time thinking about what we should do the following Sunday or if we should go back to one of the other places we went to before. My mind just has a different energy."

He took my hand and held it tight. "That makes me really happy. Sometimes I worry that you are just choosing not to deal with it, but since you haven't had the breakdowns, I was wondering what was going on."

"I think me holding it in so much is what caused the breakdowns. Like I hate talking about it and feeling the pain that I always feel. I mean it hasn't fully left, but I have been managing it better." I hesitated before my next sentence, "I have even been thinking of calling my mom."

I could see his shock, despite his effort to hide it. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I was going to talk to you about it later today."

"Okay, we can wait until then if you want."

I nodded.

Victor and Ray showed up to school and I was glad to see Victor smiling. I wrapped one of my arms in his as we all walked to the school. "Better?" I whispered to him.

"Yeah, he told me you threatened him if he didn't make things right."

"I did, I mean wasn't my best one, but that doesn't matter."

Victor kissed my forehead and thanked me.

For some reason the girls in school today seemed more clingy than usual towards, well, all three guys. I of course hardly existed to any of them.

There was one girl today that I found talking to Ray three times. I have seen her before, she may have been new, but maybe a couple of months ago. I wasn't good at keeping track of people in school.

"Who's this?" I asked when I saw Ray talking to her outside of my class. They both stopped and looked at me. "I've seen you talking to her two other times today."

I could tell Ray wanted to laugh, I have never so much as cared when someone was talking to him, because it always happened.

"This is..." he forgot her name, or never knew it. He scrunched his face trying really hard to remember.

"Marie." She supplied him with.

"Does she know you are seeing someone?"

"She does."

Matthew walked up behind me, "Who's this?" he said.

"Marie, she knows he is seeing someone." I told him.

"Are you guys always this weird?" Marie said.

"Yes." all three of us said together.

"Okay, so I am going to go now." And just like that Marie was gone.