Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Eighteen

On Sunday Matthew asked Ray something he has never asked him for before, alone time with me for the day. Ray had no problem agreeing and made plans to hang out with Victor and his sisters.

We drove thirty minutes before we arrived at a Botanical Garden. The whole way there he refused to tell me where we were going.

As we walked, I touched some of the flowers and stopped to smell others.

"Okay, so I have been thinking, you are Rita Allen," I side-eyed him, "But what do you like? I mean I know you and Ray are twins and like all the same things, or so it seems. But I was curious, are there things that just you like? Do you like a different type of music? Is there something that just Rita likes to do, or that only Rita is interested in?"

I almost said of course I do! But I stopped, because I realized, he may have been right. I listened to whatever Ray listened to, I never tried out anything different. I ate what Ray ate, I did what Ray did, I liked what Ray liked. I was pretty much Ray, but I was a girl. I looked at him stunned because no one has ever asked me what I liked before and I have never thought about liking anything different. "I....I don't know." I mumbled.

He put his arm around my shoulder, "It's okay love, I am not judging you. I just kind of got curious about it. I mean you could say that you two just like all the same things and that is okay. I just sometimes feel like you aren't acquainted with yourself. You are seventeen, soon we'll be eighteen and we will have to decide what we want to do with our lives. But to do that, you need some kind of idea of who you are and what you like. I mean what if Ray wanted to be an accountant? Is that what you want too?" I shook my head horrified, "Exactly. I want you to just be curious about these things. You can come out realizing all the answers remain the same, and that is okay. As long as you took the time to think about it and make sure."

I nodded, "Okay, I think I can do that. Is that why you asked Ray not to come along?"

He laughed, "Sort of, I wanted to take you to do something you like. Then I realized, I had no idea what you liked. I knew what Ray would want to do today, but I didn't know what Rita would want to do. I mean I don't even know if you have ever been here, but I know I like it here, so I made it our first stop until we figured out where to go next."

I thought for a minute. I have never been here, I wasn't even sure what was around here. I knew I liked this place though, it was nice and peaceful. "Well, what is there to do around here?"

He thought for a moment, "Okay, so on this road we have mini golf, go karts, movie theater, farmers market, musem, escape room. I think a couple of miles away there are nature trails. I mean that is all I can think of, if you want to try something else, I am sure we can find it."

I tried really hard to think, and it was surprisingly hard to think of what I really wanted to do. Usually I would just let Ray decide. "Okay, so first let's try the musem, no the farmers market. Then the musem and maybe go karts." As excited as I was to spend time with Matthew alone, I kind of wanted to just be curled up in bed with him watching a movie and stuffing our faces. But he made the effort and I wanted to make the effort too. He did have a point, a very good one. I had to at least try. "Then maybe we can go home and listen to some music. I think I have pretty much let Ray pick all the music we listen to."

Matthew smiled and we strolled through the garden and did everything on my list. As much fun as go karts is, I actually enjoyed the farmers market and the musem more. I discussed it with Matthew on the way home. I think my tolerance for "fun" was a bit different than everyone else's. I felt better in a calmer environment where I was engaged.

Matthew said he would find more things for us to do. He decided we should try it every Sunday, take a day or just a few hours and do something I enjoyed. Didn't matter if him or Ray didn't enjoy it, we would go do it.