Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Six

When I open the door to my house, they were all sitting on the floor in front of the door waiting for me to come back. My mom stood up first and I could see the relief in her eyes. She got fidgety when she was nervous and I saw she was pulling on a loose thread to her sweater sleeve.

"I'm so sorry." She broke down before she could even make it to me.

I went to her and hugged her as tight as I could and we lost our balance but I didn't let go of her while we laid on the floor. I squeezed her so tight my arm was starting to get numb. I just wanted to remember what it was like before when she hugged me and spoke to me, I didn't want her to stop loving me. As much as I didn't like things, I didn't hate my parents. I just didn't and still don't understand why they seem to have pushed me away instead of pulling me closer. But like Janice said, maybe they didn't know how to or were scared.

"It's okay." My mom hardly ever cried but as I held her she cried harder than I have ever seen her cry, she was in pain. I remembered that this uncle was her brother. "We will be okay."

It took about thirty minutes to calm her before my dad could take her off to bed. Then it was just Ray, Matthew and I left. We were all in our uniforms still, I had no interest in a shower but I couldn't lay in my bed without one. I had grass stains on my knees, my socks and my jacket. My skirt and my jacket were covered in dirt and I was sure I probably had sweat stains on my shirt. I think I was just going to throw my whole uniform out at this point. I think they must've had their grass cut recently because I had a ton in my hair as well. I was a mess.

I looked at Matthew and sighed. I walked over and hugged him. "I'm sure you regret coming in." I said burying my head in his chest. I was sure he had enough drama for one day and was aching to get away from me and never see me again.

"Not one bit." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "Not one bit, my dear."

"Can you stay with me?" Rules didn't apply anymore, nothing did. I just wanted to feel safe and calm and right now, that is how Matthew made me feel.

I felt Matthew turn his head in Ray's direction. I turned my head to see Ray shrug his shoulders. "Whatever she wants." Ray answered.

"Alright, I have a bag in the car I usually keep spare clothes in, let me grab it and call my mom."

Matthew went outside and it was just me and Ray.

"And the last hug of the day, goes to you."

Ray stood up and wrapped his giant arms around me and rested his chin on my head. "Can we never fight again? Psychically or otherwise. You throw a hell of a punch."

"You taught me. And yes, let's not do this again."

He pulled me closer and rested his cheek on my head so I was curled into him.

I have never been so relieved to lay in my bed. Matthew laid next to me and I insisted we watch a movie and asked Ray to come in and he sat on my chair by the computer desk. I didn't make it ten minutes into the movie before passing out.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but my body pulled me awake because there was talking.

"I know you hate me, and I can accept that, but I just ask that you please don't try to pull us apart."

I didn't open my eyes because I was hoping I would fall back into my wonderful sleep, and I also wanted to listen.

"I don't hate you, not anymore. I'm just scared someone will take advantage of her again." Ray sounded calm, like he was in deep thought. "I don't want her to be hurt again. I want her to be happy, and I always thought the only way to do that was to never let her be with anyone that could possibly hurt her."

"No one knows how to handle what you guys had to go through. But I don't intend to hurt her, I never did. She is even better than I imagined her to be all these years. I think I might even love her."

"I'm going to let her make her own decisions now. I never knew how much sheltering her was really hurting her. It will be hard to break my habits, but now that she knows the truth, I think she can tell what will and won't hurt her. I always worried about the day she would come to me confused about her memories of what happened and having to tell her we kept it from her. This way, she knows, it hurts, but it won't spring up on her unexpected when she is trying to love someone."

"I think you did the right thing. She's strong, she will be okay."

"I hope so."

I was really fighting my sleep at this point, but this was good information. Ray and Matthew were going to be okay and that made me happy. Matthew might love me, and that really made everything inside of me tingle.

"What happened to him? The uncle."

I didn't need to fight my sleep anymore, this made my heart race because I was afraid to ask this earlier.

"He was killed in prison. He barely lasted a week. There is a family rumor my father paid someone to have him killed."

"Do you think it is true?"

"Not sure, my dad is a kind guy, couldn't hurt a fly. But she was his baby, still is, there is no telling what he might do to someone who did that to her. Morally I know murder is wrong, but part of me is glad he is gone and that he suffered because now she has to live with what he did to her forever."

I didn't want to hear more, I let sleep take me.