Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The following Sunday, after our birthday, I went down to the kitchen to find a letter. It was from my Dad.

Rita and Raymond,

I am sorry I had to do it this way, but I am doing this to protect you. I waited around as long as could without endangering you. I had to go and I don't think I can come back. I am happy that I have seen you two grow to the age of eighteen and I know you guys are prepared to have a happy life with your partners and will be well taken care of. If you ever need anything you can contact my mother, she can help you with anything. All you need to do is sign the paperwork that will be delivered to you and all titles will be transferred to both of your names, including the house. Please know that I love you two more than anything else in this world and I will never stop. I am leaving to protect you from the things that I have done. Rita knows how you two can be taken care of, this is the day I have been preparing you for. Take care of each other.

Love Always,

Dad

P.S. Please burn this after reading.

Ray came up behind me and I handed him the letter with my shaking hand. I stared off into the kitchen numbly. He really left, and he was never coming back.

"What the fuck?" Ray held the letter up. "What does this mean?"

I stood there, but I didn't answer. Matthew came down stairs and Ray handed him the letter. Matthew read it and they both stared at me expecting me to explain.

I was trying to figure out how much I wanted to tell them. I couldn't tell them everything, it was something I was never willing to repeat. I could only see myself telling Matthew once it really ate away me, but never Raymond.

"The night he came home, he told me he might have to leave because he got into some trouble with some bad people. If they found him with us, we'd all be in trouble." I looked at Ray with tears streaming down my face, "I didn't think he would actually leave."

I ran over to his room, I had to see it. His bed was made, but all of his stuff from his nightstand was gone, all the pictures of us, anything that meant something was gone. I opened his drawers and they were all empty, except the last one. Inside the last one was the little black leather notebook. I picked it up and opened it to the piece of paper sticking out.

Ritakins,

Do what you must, I will always love you no matter what.

-Dad

I took the notebook and grabbed the paper from Matthew's hands and without a second thought I ran out to the garage and grabbed my bike. I rode it to nearest woods about a mile away and took my bike in as far as I could into it. I walked about another half a mile and I settled on a spot. Using my hands, I started to dig into the ground between two trees. I dug until I hit a root and I decided it was far enough.

I was crying so hard I could barely tell how deep I dug. I wiped my face with my dirt filled hands and had a look into the hole I just dug. It reached to about my elbow. I folded up the letter and put in the book, then immediately decided against it. I took both of the papers out and sat them next to me. I was still in my pajamas so I didn't have pockets. I took one last look at the book and opened it to the page with my Uncle's name, '70 was the year he was born. Before I could look at any other names, I put the book in the hole.

"I'm sorry to anyone who's death remains unsolved because of this." I said and pushed all the dirt over the book and patted the ground down and covered it with some leaves so it didn't look fresh.

I sat there for a few minutes staring at the pile and crying over what I had done. Before I could change my mind, I grabbed the papers and found my way back to the bike and out of the woods.