It's Ada(m) and Eve, not Adam and Steve

Chapter Twelve

Eve's POV

I sighed deeply. This is already hard enough for me and she's not making it easier for me. Should I just forgive her and give her another chance? Oh god, please help me. "Isabel..." I paused, I have no idea how this is going to end. "I appreciate that you want to try to be a good girlfriend again, but..." God fucking damn it, she's done so many wrong thing and here I am considering to take her back anyways. No, I can't do that, I have to be strong, and I need to let her go, for the both of us. "This..." I pointed from her to me. "We can't fix this anymore. I'm sorry, Isabel. We both made mistakes..." I'm not going to blame this on her, I know it's stupid, but that would only make things worse. "Yes, we made each other happy, for a while, but I don't think I can make you happy again. I'm not what you need. I love you, Isabel, I really do, but I won't keep you from being happy. I think it's a good idea to get therapy, but, don't do it for me, do it for yourself. I'll support you, I'll try to help you, but as a friend not as your girlfriend. I don't think I fit that position anymore." Isabel turned around walking back to the pots on the stove, not saying a word. I sighed. She could have at least said something. "Isabel..." "No Eve." She cut me off. "I accept your decision. It doesn't make me happy, but I don't want to hurt you. Not anymore. And I know damn sure that I will do that if I won't keep myself busy. Give me some time Eve. Please. I'll tell you when I finished cooking and we can eat together. But please don't force me to talk about it. I can't do that at the moment." I nodded even though she couldn't see me. "Okay. I'll leave you alone, but please don't shut yourself off of the world." She sighed. "I'll try." I'm glad I went through with it. For a moment, I thought I'd just forget everything that happened and give her another chance. But it is best for the both of us to let go of the other. I walked out of the kitchen and up to my room, about to do my homework when I remembered Adam. I pulled out my phone and decided to call him. We chatted a bit before I briefly told him about the conversation with Isabel. I can hear just how relieved he is, that she didn't hurt me or anything.

Isabel's POV

I took a deep breath when Eve left the room. I don't know what to feel. I'm such a fuck up. I swore to myself that I'd never do that again. I'd never hurt another girl. I swore myself that I'd be a normal girlfriend not the fuck up I turned out to be. But I broke my own promise. I hurt Eve, I hurt her verbally, emotional and I even slapped her. I messed up again. I lost her. I lost her because I lost myself. Or well the person I tried to be. There is no way I can make that right again. But I'll try. I know that I lost her as my girlfriend but she's still willing to be my friend. I have to apologize to her. I feel so guilty. She loved me, she trusted me, and I? I threw that trust away. I had feelings for her, but I was never sure if it really was love, and I never trusted her the way I should have. I trusted her with myself and my future, but I never trusted her with my past. And I have to apologize for that. For never telling her about all the things I have done, or about all the things my parents did, what I did to those girls, or most importantly what I did to Jenna. I have so much remorse for what I did to Jenna. There is nothing I can do or say that this could be forgiven. But there is a chance that I can be forgiven for what I did to Eve. And I have to apologize for that. For lying to her, for leading her on and for the worst of all: for cheating on her. She'll never forgive me, but I at least have to be honest to her. I'm not able to tell her everything, yet, or ever, I'm just not able to trust her and that is my fault not hers. It has always been me. I softly knocked on her door when the food was finished. I slowly opened the door and found her sitting on the bed, her phone pressed to her ear. I cleared my throat and she looked up at me. "I have to go Adam, see you tomorrow." She hung up before looking at me. "Uhm the food is ready; do you want to eat with me?" I'm nervous, I fucked up our relationship, but I really hope we can build up a friendship, when we both are ready. "Sure." She got up and followed me downstairs. The first few minutes we ate in silence and I tried to gather the courage to tell her all the things going on in my head. When I finally was brave enough, she opened her mouth saying words that I definitely wasn't ready to hear yet. "Isabel, this is not going to change anything, so I want you to be completely honest with me, okay?" She didn't give me time to answer before she continued. "Did you cheat on me?" I looked down at my plate. Guilt washing over me. "How long?" She asked when I didn't say anything. I swallowed. "Eve you deserve to know the truth about me, but..." She cut me off. "Just tell me how long you've been cheating on me." She sounded pissed, but I needed her to listen. "Eve, please let me finish." I pleaded. "I can't tell you everything about myself, there is stuff in my past that I don't want to think about and that I can't talk about even though it's the major part of why I am this fucked up girl that I am now. But I want you to know at least some parts. You already found out that I used to be a player, I have told myself that I'll never have a relationship because I'm unable to love, but I needed something to give me courage and something that I'm good at, something that told me I'm not worthless, being with all these girls made me feel something, and even though it wasn't what I needed, it made me feel something, anything, and that was enough for me at that time, so I did it again and again. But it only worked for a while. Then there was this girl, desperate to save me and she succeeded, but as well only for a while. I did what I told myself I would never do, I became the person that I never wanted to be. That girl... it was Jenna and I treated her worse than I did with you. Not saying that what I did to you was right or any less hurtful, because it's not, and I'm deeply sorry. One night I went further than I ever did and it woke me up, in a way. I hate myself for the fact that it took me so long. I hate myself for what I did to her in that night, and all the nights before that. I'll never forgive myself for what I've done, and I can't expect anyone else to accept, or forgive what I've done, because it's not forgivable. I'm one of the worst human beings and I don't deserve forgiveness." I had tears in my eyes. I really regret what I did to Jenna and I hate myself for that, and I hate myself for being a coward and never apologizing to her. I swallowed hard. "I... I was in a mental hospital for the next four months. It took me a lot to open myself up to them, and to work with them, but I got better and they believed in me. When I got out, I moved to another state and then everything with you started. I thought I had myself under control. I was happy with you. I was scared to open myself up to you but I still wanted to make it work between us. These eight months with you have been the happiest of my life. But then something triggered things from my past and I slowly began losing control. I know nothing will apologize what I did to you. I lied to you. I keep things from you, I hurt you in more ways than one, and yes you could say I cheated on you. There is this girl. She tried to help me with my mental illness, because she's not completely healthy herself, and she knows how it feels when something is wrong or different with you, and there is nothing you can do against it. I met her in my dance class and she calmed me down when I got upset. We became good friends and one day... she kissed me. Yes, I kissed her back, but that's it. It was one kiss. I told her I couldn't do it, and I also told her that I won't see her anymore. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you. And I really hope that one day we can be friends, but I can totally understand when you can't forgive me. I'm so sorry Eve." It took Eve some time to process what I just told her. After a few minutes, she swallowed before speaking. "Thank you, Isabel. For being honest. I understand that you are not ready to tell me certain things, and, even though it's slightly confusing, I appreciate that you told me all of this." She looked down at her plate before smiling at me. "I would love trying to be friends with you, just give me some time to adjust to the new situation. And Isabel..." She held up her finger. "Don't mess it up with this girl, you probably won't get another chance." I smiled at her. "I won't, she's different. I promise you, I'll get better, go to therapy and when I'm myself again, or the person I should be, then I'll try to be a good girlfriend for her, but until then I think she deserves better. She deserves a normal life, not one waiting for me, since I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for her." She shook her head. "No, you won't try, you will be the best girlfriend for her, and I'll help you become that girl." Honestly, I thought it would be awkward to try and be "Just friends" with Eve, but looking back we haven't really been more than that for month. We just didn't want to accept the fact that we failed at having a relationship. Now, that we came to terms with what we are to each other it is so much easier to be in a room with her. I thought we would need some time to gain a normal relationship but it felt just natural to talk to her. After we finished dinner we went over to the living room to watch some movies, before going to bed. "Hey, uhm... my parents will come back tomorrow and..." She looked down at the floor. "Can you... Can we tell them that...? That we're over?" She was so nervous. "Of course, it wouldn't be fair to them, and I'll be by your side. We're in this together." She looked up at me and I gave her an assuring smile. She started laughing. "What?" "Sorry but that scene just totally could mean that we're afraid to tell my parents that you got me pregnant." I laughed with her. "You dork." "Sorry. But uhm... thanks." "No problem." We separated ways and I walked over to the guest room. I guess this will be my new room. I sit down on the bed. This is not how I imagined this night to end, but to be honest, I'm glad she broke up with me. I'm glad she isn't mad at me. I'm happy with how this night turned out. I wouldn't have had the balls to end this relationship and admit I fucked up. I would have kept hurting both of us. This might seem weird for everyone else. Too fast, not real, or just fake. But this is how we deal with our break up, and I like it that way. I went to bed with a smile on my face, even though I probably should be sad. I don't care what everyone else thinks. Call me a bitch, player, asshole, whatever you want, but I'm relieved and happy for the first time in nearly two months. I had been unhappy way before we moved back to California.