Shatter Pieces

Chapter 20: Voices

Elvira

Aside from the time I had tried to escape I had never set foot outside of my hospital room. Nurses wandered the halls on their rounds, but there didn't seem to be too many patients for them to see. It was all clean and smelled of antiseptic and bleach which annoyed my nose to no end. I had always hated when Master made me scrub the floors because the smell bothered me and always meant a headache later in the day.

"So we are headed to your new room, are you excited?" Niriol asked from where she pushed the chair behind me. It was strange to be moving but not touching the floor, but it was a little exhilarating.

I shrugged, I didn't know enough about these people to know what that meant. Would I be given a bed like I was back with Master? I wondered if the box would have new words I could try to read to keep myself entertained during the long hours of the night. Hopefully they would at least allow me to keep the lights on and replace the bulbs if they were broken.

"That's okay, I know this is all a lot for you to take in and it might take awhile before you feel comfortable. I hope you like it though, Mateo has been slaving over that room for years now. He wanted it to be just perfect and has been collecting all sorts of things so that he can have whatever it is that his mate might want. Honestly it's a little ridiculous, but I wasn't about to tell him that he's doing what he thinks will help his mate the most and that's sweet." Her words made me want to laugh as I thought of Mateo rushing around preparing his room for this mate person.

He always seemed so put together and thinking of him frantic and confused was funny. Something inside of me pushed me to trust him to allow myself to become closer to him.I wasn't wholly sure why I felt like that, but I did and it was a little strange.

"You know I still don't know your name and I feel odd just calling you things like sweetheart. What is your name?" I froze in the chair.

I had told Mateo my name and he hadn't punished me. Maybe this was the real test, to see if I would once again be willing to speak my name aloud to someone. I wanted to tell her, to break the rules Master had given me. Rebel from what he had taught me in whatever small way I could....even as I opened my mouth I knew the word would not escape my throat. I tried to push it out of me but something seemed to be blocking my throat everytime I attempted to tell her.

"Don't hurt yourself child, you can tell me when you are able to. Obviously some part of you is not comfortable telling me your name and that is okay. I am a stranger after all and you have no real way to know who I am or what I might do to you. Maybe next time we talk you'll be able to tell me, we can try again then alright honey?" Her words provided a small level of comfort, but phantom memories filled my mind.

"You are worthless, can't even talk like a normal person."

"You are broken, who would ever want you. They just feel bad for you they don't really care."

"Stupid Elvira thinking she could ever be like everyone else when she's merely a mistake. Someone everyone will eventually forget."

The words repeated over and over again, as if they were trying to cement themselves in my brain. I grabbed at my skull trying to make the voices go away, but they wouldn't stop hissing at me. Reminding me of how incompetent I really was, that I was insane and no one would ever be able to fix that.

"We are almost there!" Niriol's usually chipper voice was filled with fear and concern. She must have noticed my odd behavior but hadn't commented on it as if she knew I wouldn't be able to give her an answer.

I could barely hear her over the sound of the voices in my head screaming at me now.

"WORTHLESS!"
"YESTERDAYS TRASH!"
"CAN'T EVEN SAY HER NAME!"