anxious | jack avery

9.

[jack]
"it looks siiiick"
"JACK"
"what the fuck?"
everyone's reactions were surprising.
"do you like it?" i said scratching the back of my hair.
"yes i love it" daniel said running his fingers through my hair.
my breathe hitched a little. no reason it was just the nervous tension in the air. i looked around after it felt comfortable to talk again. i tried to rub the goosebumps off my shoulders. zach noticed from the corner of his eye. goddamn it jack why you got to get him worried too?
"hey jack i have to go i'm supposed to take daniel-"
daniel stepped in front of him.
"for what?"
jonah looked at the floor.
"d-daniel" i stuttered.
"i'm ok i promise" daniel mumbled.
i looked around even to zach who i stared at for a while. i looked at the floor letting a sniffle escape.
"you don't trust me"
"jack..."
i grabbed corbyn's hoodie putting it over my head and going upstairs.
"babe..."
i didn't want to talk to zach. i didn't want to talk to anyone. i just wanted to be alone. i wanted them to trust me enough to tell me what's going on.
"let him go zach"
"jonah..."
i hid behind the staircase. i didn't want to talk to them. but i wanted to figure out what was wrong with daniel.
"no zach. corbyn go"
"i feel bad not telling him"
daniel's voice was cracking.

no daniel please don't. please don't cry. please i'm sorry. i'm sorry.

"daniel it's for the best"
"i should tell him about my therapist jo"
therapist? daniel? i put my hood up. this can't be happening.
"dani come on it's going to be ok"
"i don't want to go" daniel sniffled.
i heard the door close. i walked to my room. my head fell in my knees as i tempted myself to not cry. i heard the knock behind me on the door.
"jack? jacky it's me"
jonah's voice made me wipe my tears faster.
"uhm y-yeah?"
jonah's hand slid under the door frame. i wipe my tears from corbyn's hoodie on the floor. my nose was stuffy and i could tell he could hear me.
"jacky?" his voice called quietly.
i looked back at his hand. i took it in mine.
"you heard us didn't you?"
his voice was gentle. the sweetness and softness.
"don't tell me h-he's not getting better"
jonah didn't respond.
"why would you lie to me?! i care about him jonah. i love him! how could you k-keep s-som-mething- like t-his from m-me?"
i could feel my voice breaking at very word.
"you know how much t-this band...this family means to m-me"
at this point i felt jonah's hand squeeze mine.
"i'm sorry jack. we didn't want you to know because we know you've been through so much. so much pain and sorrow. putting this on you would just make your anxiety worse. and we don't want you to get worse. daniel is getting better. i...i promise jack"
there was a long pause.
"please let me in"
it wasn't jonah who said that. his hand left mine. it hurt a little. i wanted his hand to be there to confront me. instead i saw zach's hand slip under the door.
"babe?"
a teardrop fell on my sleeve as lightly grabbed ahold of his hand.
"babe...i'm sorry"
i let my head rest back on the door frame. zach didn't say anything after that. he story of just laid on the opposite side. just knowing his hand was there it made me calm down.
"...don't be s-sorry for thing that you didn't do"
zach exhaled.
"can you open the door please?"
i didn't want to. but i could hear that zach wanted me to. just by his low and quiet voice that was a sign he didn't want me to be alone. i unlocked the door as zach pulled me in a tight hug. his few inches taller height made him rest his chin on my head. his hands folded into mine as he looked at me.
"i love you" he whispered.
i looked back to his gaze.
then i kissed him.
"i love you too"