anxious | jack avery

17

[jack]
i woke up with startle as my breath started to quicken rapidly.
"jacky hey it's me. calm down."
i turned my head as i found sydnie now standing to hold my hand.
"s-syd?" i managed to breathe out.
she smiled. "yes jack it's me calm down"
her voice was gentle as i closed my eyes turning my head the other way.
"where's mom?" i whispered as i sat up and she patted my back.
"she's coming i told her everything"
i put my head down as i laid back down covering my face with my hands.
"hey what happened?" syd asked softly.
i turned my head to hear as tears starting forming on my eyelids.
"i kissed him." i sighed squeezing the pillow.
she frowned. "zach?"
i shook my head.
"then who jack?"
"daniel."
she opened her mouth but then quickly closed it.
"but i thought-"
"yes z-zach was-is my b-boyfriend" my voice stuttered.
"jack why'd you kiss him?"
"i don't know okay sydnie?!" i yelled.
"i don't why i hurt him! nor do i know what's going to happen next! i c-can't bear to think w-what's happened r-right now and i can't t-think about zach either! so please j-just don't ask me w-why i hurt him because i-i don't know why i did it e-either" i screamed.
sydnie curled her lips and looked down at the floor. i let out a soft sob as tears streamed down my cheeks.
"jack aww don't cry" she replied as my head rested on her shoulder.
but instead i couldn't stop crying. i couldn't stop thinking about how badly i'd just hurt zach. the way i made him feel when he saw me and daniel together. i hurt him in a way i promised i'd never wanted to. i wanted to be the type of boyfriend who'd never hurt zach like that. and not only did i hurt our relationship but i broke our friendship too.
god why am i such an idiot.
"jack?"
i looked up to the door.
"m-mom" my voice trembled as i stood up and hugged her.
her finger ran through my head and she squeezed me kissing my cheeks.
"are you okay? jacky what happened?"
i nodded as i looked back to sydnie.
"...i did something b-bad and...well..."
my voice trailed off as i didn't know what to say.
"you can tell me i'm your mother" she replied.
i took a deep breathe as she pulled away from the hug.
"i cheated on zach."
her smile disappeared.
"b-but why?"
i looked to the floor again.
c'mon jack be strong. don't cry.
"i-i don't know and it was stupid. and now i don't know what to do" i said.
she pulled me back in a hug kissing my forehead and sighed.
"tell him how much you love him jack. and don't just tell him. show it. and prove it."
i nodded as she smiled.
"i'm just glad you're safe bubba" sydnie piped in as i hugged her.
"thank you for being here for me." i smiled.
"we're always going to be here for you jack. you're my brother." sydnie giggled softly.
"you better never leave me" i laughed lightly.
"do you want to go back home? or stay here?"
i looked back to the bed and then to my mother.
"home"
"ok i'll drop you off-"
"no mom. home. like home home."
mom looked at me and nodded.
"but you have to talk to him. you can't avoid him."
"but i'm scared" i whispered.
"jack i know it's scary but you can't let him be in pain"
the word toggled in my brain over and over again.
pain.
"yeah i'm his mother. kristen. kristen stanford."
"thank you miss take care"
sydnie held my hand as we walked out to the parking lot.
"my car is here i'll catch up with you okay?"
"are you sure? do you want me to come with you?" sydnie asked.
i shook my head. "no i'll be okay love you" i said kissing her cheek.
"be safe jack!"
i nodded as i closed the door of my car and rested my head on the steering wheel.
"god i'm so sorry zach" i mumbled.
i started the car as i backed out.
maybe you should go to him.
but you're probably the last person he wants to see.
i stopped at a red light then wondered whether to turn left or right.
if you go left that's home to momma.
if you go right that's where your family is.
i thumped my fingers on the wheel as i groaned.
"jack i know it's scary but you can't let him be in pain"
the light turned green as i exhaled.
i turned right.
i parked my car in the driveway as i put it in park. i reaches for the handle then hesitated.
does he really want to see you?
i put my hoodie over my head as i wiped away a few tears on my glasses. my heart dropped everytime i looked to the doorway. i was scared, scared what zach was going to say. scared of seeing daniel. scared of seeing jonah and corbyn after they figured everything out. it just didn't feel right. i felt sick. i felt sweaty. i was nervous.
you love him. now go prove it.
i opened the car door as i walked up to the door. i fumbled around with my keys as i unlocked the door feeling the warm air hit against my face.
"jonah?" i heard a voice call.
corbyn walked down the stairs and stopped.
"what corbyn?" zach and daniel followed behind him.
jonah walked over and stopped. my heart was pounding. i looked back to the floor as i couldn't bear to see any of the guys look at me cry. i walked over to jonah first. he extended his arms out to hug me as i curled up inside. but pulled away fast.
then i handed him my keys.
jonah looked at me confused but took them from me.
i turned my attention to the staircase. corbyn walked down as zach sat on the stairs and daniel followed corbyn.
"hi jack" he said gently with a smile.
i didn't reply back as i looked back to zach. zach looked at me. his eyes were puffy and red. he looked way as he got up and went upstairs. daniel looked back at me.
"jack i'm sorry-"
"no i'm sorry. please don't be sorry."
i walked over to him and hugged him. at first he didn't react but then he hugged back tightly.
"i-i'm sorry" he whispered in my ear.
i pulled away and smiled. my gaze shifted back to the staircase.
"are you going to talk to him?" corbyn asked.
i nodded.
"i love him so yes"
i walked up the stairs down the hall to zach's room. i knocked on it. no answer.
i knocked again.
still no answer.
i opened the door to see it empty as i frowned. then my mind clicked. i walked to my room opening the door slowly. and there he was. zach. cuddled up in my bed. crying softly. i closed the door as i tried walking towards him but he just moved further to the side. i backed up as i stood there leaning next to the wall. zach sniffled as he looked up at me.
"...i love you too zach"