anxious | jack avery

21.

[jack]
"zach!"
i laughed as zach put down the chopsticks failing everytime at using them. he smiled at me and moved it over to my head.
"you don't got noodles anymore" he scoffed.
i rolled my eyes as i handed him a fork and ate the noodles in my plate. daniel laughed.
"what?" i mumbled through a mouthful of food.
corbyn smiled at him as daniel cleared his throat.
"nothing...i'm just happy." he said smiling.
jonah wrapped his arm around daniel's shoulder pulling him closer to him hugging his side.
"are you?"
i looked up.
"what?"
jonah took a sip from his drink.
"are you happy?" he repeated again.
i glanced over at zach who looked back at me.
"yeah...yeah jonah i am."
"...you don't know how much that means to me when you say that" corbyn replied.
"what do you mean?" i asked.
corbyn opened his mouth to speak but the waiter cane to the table with the check.
"hold on yeah i got it"
daniel grabbed it from him.
"daniel."
"i'm paying" he said opening his wallet.
"i brought us here i'll pay" jonah said extending his hand out to get the check.
"i'm not paying"
"zach we know"
i laughed as zach looked away.
"what? you know i have like 5 dollars!" he remarked.
"we know promise" i said.
i got up and walked to daniel's chair grabbing the check from jonah and him fighting. daniel gaped at me as i walked back up to my seat.
"jack i'm paying"
i pulled out my card and handed it to the waiter.
"i want to though"
daniel smiled as he stacked the plates evenly on the table.
"...corbyn what were you saying?"
"nothing it's just..."
he sighed as we all got up from our chairs going to the car.
"just what?" daniel asked quietly.
"i don't know i just sometimes miss your smiles."
i half smiled as i looked down to the floor.
"...do you r-remember?" i started.
we all leaned on the car as corbyn nodded up.
"remember what?"
"...the first time i hurt myself." i mumbled.
daniel shifted uncomfortably leaning against the car as he looked to his shoes. jonah nodded.
"i-i remember" zach murmured.
i looked at the sun setting as i closed my eyes.

-

"jack it's ok"

"look at me l-look at me"

"don't look at your wrists"

"you're going to be ok i promise" 

"i love you...please don't leave me."

-

i opened my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek. i sniffled as i wiped it away and pulled up my sleeves slowly. there were multiple scars on each of my wrists. the left one having more than the other. most of them were healed. some of them were still healing. i pulled down my sleeve frantically as someone's hands wrapped around my waist hugging my from the back. corbyn let his thumb massage down my arm and up as daniel and jonah walked on either of my sides hugging me. zach then came in front as they all squeezed me in a group hug. no one said anything. until i heard corbyn crying. he held me tighter as i closed my eyes again.
"corbyn?"
"w-what?" he sniffled.
"it's ok" i said holding his hand and squeezing it.
"it's ok."
no one said another word. zach looked up to me as his beautiful brown eyes were hidden under his messy hair. i loosened my arms around his waist moving his hair to the side revealing his eyes underneath. zach moved closer and planted a kiss on my lips and rested his head on mine his hands interlocked with mine.
"i promise i'm going to keep you safe" he whispered.
i smiled as another tear fell down my cheek. i looked up as everyone backed up to still hugging close to each other. daniel pointed somewhere.
"look" he said.
i turned to look at the sunset. it was pink and orange as i looked around it. the palm trees made the sky look like a painting. i looked back to the car as i pushed myself up to the roof. zach did the same.
"guys it's my car"
"jo just come up over here"
he hesitated at first but sighed and pulled himself up to the roof. daniel climbed into the hood along with corbyn. daniel cocked his head to the side as he rested his elbows on his knees.
"what?" i said poking at his elbow.
he turned around and laughed.
"do you remember our first week as a band?"
zach laughed.
"yeah i was scared of all of you"
"i embarrassed myself too much"
daniel turned his head back to us. his blue eyes were so vivid and glistened like the ocean.
"this kind of feels like that one time we went on that hill and watched the sunset."
corbyn nodded.
"it feels like the past doesn't it?"
"...god it's been 3 years?" i said.
"yeah 3 years with zach imagine" jonah said jokingly.
"hey!"
daniel and i laughed as we all looked back.
"guys?"
"what?" they all replied.
i turned around and smiled.
"i love you."
daniel smiled happily.
"i love you too." he said.
"he was talking to me" corbyn scoffed.
jonah and zach giggled as i rolled my eyes.
"well i meant it to all of you. and i mean it"
"...do you really?" corbyn whispered.
"yes why?"
he shaked his head as his green blue eyes lit up.
"i love you too jack."
i leaned against the car roof to him extending my arm out to him as he did the handshake along with me.
"i'm really happy." zach said leaning his head on my shoulder.
"i haven't felt this happy for a while" i sighed.
"what changed?" jonah asked.
i exhaled.
"you guys."
corbyn blew a kiss in my direction as i caught it jokingly.
"...hey thank you by the way guys"
"for what?"
"for checking in on me. for being there for me when i didn't ask you to and for saving me from hurting myself. i-i wouldn't be here right now i-if it w-wasn't for you guys." i responded.
daniel held my hand as jonah leaned in on my other shoulder.
"you're our brother we're going to always be here to protect you." corbyn said softly.
"...p-promise?" i whispered.
he nodded.
"i promise."
corbyn and i looked back at the sunset as the wind blew in our faces. and in that moment i realized something.

i realized that i was happy again.