The Angel Of Darkness (Sam Winchester Fanfic)

Chapter 8: Confessions

(Azriel's Pov)

I had trouble sleeping that night. After I helped Sam and Dean all I could think of was Sam...and it's really infuriating. No matter what I do or what I did, or how deep I pushed down my feelings, everytime I look at Sam all those feelings come back and I don't know what to do...I can't like Sam...I just can't...there's no way he would EVER like me back...No way what's so ever.

I groaned and sighed as I looked out my window seeing the sun barely coming up. I looked seeing it was only 6am which made me sigh as I was just lying on my bed in nothing but darkness just looking at the ceiling and thinking about Sam...I hate this...I can't stop thinking about him and I don't know how much longer I can keep these feelings inside...

I rolled my eyes and yawned as I hopped out of bed and stretched my stiff and sore muscles. I quietly headed out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to make some coffee. Knowing the boys, they should be waking up soon since hunters and such gotta wake up early and get hunting. I sighed and rubbed my face tiredly as I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee.

I sat at the table and sighed as I continued to just think...I mean should I just tell him? If it doesn't work out, I can just leave...simple as that...it's easier to work alone anyways...maybe I can call Aunt Amara and see if I can stay with her...who knows...I just don't know what to do...

I sighed and sipped my coffee as my head pounded "Oh hey Azriel, did you get any sleep?" I heard Sam ask, I looked at him and shook my head 'No, I couldn't sleep' I said, Sam looked confused and concerned as he grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee and sat across from me "How come?" he asked,

I sighed 'too much thinking' I said, Sam nodded 'Did you get any sleep?' I asked, Sam sighed and sipped his coffee "Some, but not a lot. Too much thinking as well" he said, I just nodded...the air and tension was awkward...we both could sense that..."are you okay?" Sam asked,

I looked at him and smiled softly 'I'm okay' I said, Sam nodded "So how come you don't use your real voice?" Sam asked, I sighed a bit "you don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable it just seems odd to me, but not in a bad way of course I mean I don't mind I'm just wondering" Sam rambled nervously.

I smiled and giggled 'it's okay. Growing up how I did, no one cared enough to let me talk or say anything so what was the point? When banished here, I had no reason to talk so why bother?' I asked, Sam nodded "Well just know that you're free to be yourself. You really don't have to hide from us" Sam said kindly.

My heart pounded and stomach fluttered...Why is he so nice. Why is he being so nice to me? I don't deserve this; I don't deserve his kindness and charity...I killed so many people...I mean sure I don't fucking care that I did but why would Sam ever want to be with a killer like me? The Angel of Darkness...I'm not living up to my title...

I sipped my coffee and sighed "Mind if I check your hands again?" Sam asked, I just shook my head which made him smile softly as he got up and grabbed a first aid kit and sat next to me. My face flushed and heart pounded as my breathing hitched again because he was so close to me.

He gently grabbed my hands which felt warm in his large hands. He gently unraveled the bandages which still looked really bad but not terrible "well they seem to be doing better from what I can tell" He said, I just nodded as he grabbed some scar healing cream and gently rubbed it against the back of my hand "can you feel them?" he asked softly, I clenched my fists a little and nodded unable to say anything and not trusting my words.

Sam smiled softly and wrapped new bandages around them 'Thanks' I whispered; Sam nodded as we didn't move from our spots. Sam gently held and rubbed his thumbs along my bandaged wrists which made my heart and stomach flutter more. I bit my lip slightly begging the urge to not kiss him but fuck...I couldn't do it anymore.