The Angel Of Darkness (Sam Winchester Fanfic)

Chapter 16: What Do I Do?

(Azriel's Pov)

After everything that happened yesterday, I had the hardest time sleeping. Sam managed to stay up with me until I did fall asleep but unfortunately that didn't happen. I was up all night thinking about my siblings and weighing off Pro's and Con's. I managed to move back to my room so I could let Sam sleep because I didn't want to disturb him.

It was 6am as the sky got brighter and the sun slowly rose beneath the horizon. I sighed as I looked at my pros and con list and I don't know how to do this with nothing but my anger getting in the way...how can I justify what they did to me? How can they just have the nerve to apologize for EVERYTHING that they did now?

And what makes them so sure that they won't hurt me again? What happens after that? Things get back to normal? We start hanging out again like nothing ever happened? Am I just supposed to let go what they did to me? Because I can't and I won't and I don't think I ever will...

But can I really take hating my siblings forever? I may be the Angel of Darkness but what if something happens to the boys and I can't do it by myself? Because truth be told I can't exactly resent my siblings forever...I've tried that and it's exhausting...it really is but...I can't just forget what they did to me...

I groaned as my brain started to hurt from my siblings. My heart hurts, everything just...hurts and I don't even know what to do anymore. Sure, they apologized but do they actually mean it? Or are they just doing it cause father told them to? I don't know but my brain is fried and I can't even think right now.

I sighed as I hopped out of bed stretching and yawning. I put my hair in a messy bun, headed out of my room and downstairs to brew some coffee. I sighed as I rubbed my face tiredly and closed my eyes for a moment. I felt a pair of arms around my waist which made me blush and smile knowing it was Sam.

I sighed as he lied his head in my neck "Morning" He whispered, I smiled softly "Morning" I whispered, "Did you get any sleep Azzy?" he asked, I sighed and shook my head which made him sigh "Are you okay?" he asked, I just shrugged as I grabbed 2 mugs and poured me and Sam some coffee "want to talk about it?" He asked, I just shrugged and turned to face Sam who frowned and kissed my head.

I handed him a coffee which made him smile softly and peck my lips softly making me smile a little. We sat at the counter in silence for a while until Dean woke up and came down "Wow, it feels depressing in here" Dean said, I scoffed and rolled my eyes which made me sip my coffee "Dean" Sam warned.

Dean sighed "Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood" Dean said, I just sighed ''My brain hurts, everything just hurts'' I stated, ''What are you gonna do?" Dean asked, ''I don't know anymore'' I whispered and sighed "I was weighing pros and cons over and over in my head but I'm just so consumed by hurt and anger that it's not making me think straight" I said,

The boys looked at each other and sighed "alright well, tell us the pro's and con's and we'll help you" Dean said, I sighed and nodded "Well pros is just finally ending this feud and finally being happy, Cons is what if they hurt me again? How can I just forget all of this? Like am I just supposed to forgive my siblings and move on? How am I supposed to get over all they did to me?" I asked,

The boys sighed "Well on one note I think it would great to make amends with your siblings, but no one said it would be easy to forget the trauma they caused you" Sam said, I just sighed and nodded "and on the other note it seems that what they did to you is unforgive and forgettable" Dean said, I just sighed and groaned which made Sam put his hand on my thigh "But hey, no one said you had to come up with an answer right away. You just need some time to think and it's only been 24 hours" Sam said,

I just sighed and nodded as I sipped my coffee and headed back up to my room to think. I know it's going to be a few days before I decided whether or not to forgive them but I just don't know...I mean I don't know what's going to happen next and that's kinda scary...the unknown and uncertainty of what's to come...

I mean sure I've lived a long ass life but I never expected this...you can't really expect much when coming into life...You're born, you live a certain way until you live how you want and your life ends...in most cases anyways unless you're severely depressed and wanna kill yourself or you have other severe conditions and die early but that's my point...you can't expect to live a long life without knowing what's ahead and I don't like that...

When growing up, I expected my life to be a certain way and it never was the way I wanted but somehow it turned around thanks to the man I love named Sam Winchester...I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him...But I mean...I grew up with 1 sister and 5 brothers...all older than me and I knew siblings were going to argue and tease but it turned out it was only targeted against me...

I thought they were supposed to teach me things, love me, protect me and help me when I'm hurt or sad...instead...they all ganged up on me, beat me down, hurt me with names, banished me to earth and all this fucking time didn't care nor say a fucking word...I could have killed myself and they wouldn't have gave a single fuck...But now they wanna come back here and apologize?

I groaned and lied on my bed and stared at my ceiling. There was a knock on my door "Come in" I said, I looked seeing Sam walk in my room "Hey Angel" he said, I smiled softly "how are you holding up?" He asked sitting on the edge of my bed, I sighed and groaned making Sam smile "that bad huh?" He asked,

I sighed and sat up "I don't know what to do Sammy...I grew up believing that my siblings were supposed to love and protect me. Instead they hurt me and put me thru hell and banished me to earth and didn't give a SINGLE fuck until I talked to Amara and father and they come back and apologize now? I mean do they really mean what they say or is it to just please father and what's supposed to happen next? I mean is that just supposed to make everything go away or make things better like it never happened?" I rambled,

Sam sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of my face and held my hands "I know it's stressful Azzy but you just gotta take it one day at a time...No one expects answers right now and that means you don't have to dwell on it so much that it stresses you out and I get it, I really do. Me and Dean growing up wasn't exactly a piece of cake.

I mean my mom died when I was 6 months old, I was going to Law school till our dad went missing and Dean came for me and we started hunting at a very young age because of our father and there've been countless times me and Dean died and came back to life, we lose people we love.

I mean this job comes at a cost of death and not only to us but to everyone we love and it's not easy but we still do it and we just have to take it one day at a time and this is your decision if you don't want to forgive them that's fine but if you do then that's fine too but do you really wanna live your life resenting your siblings?

I mean me and Dean weren't exactly pieces of cake growing up...we argue, we fight but in the end we're family but a saying from our friend Bobby is Family doesn't end with blood and if they hurt you that bad then don't forgive them but you don't have to make a decision right away or go thru this alone okay?" Sam explained, my eyes widen as tears welled up "thanks Sammy" I said, he smiled and pressed his forehead against mine "I love you Azriel and you're not alone in this okay?" He asked, I smiled and nodded "I love you too Sammy" I said,

He smiled "so how about today we take a nice relaxing day huh? We'll just lay in bed all day, watch movies and shows, drink coffee and eat snacks, cuddle and talk yea?" Sam asked, I smiled and nodded which made him smile as he cupped my cheeks and gently pressed his lips against mine making me smile and kiss back as his lips were soft against mine.

The kiss was short but sweet and passionate. Sam pulled away which made me smile "Okay, you stay here, I'll go make us breakfast and get us coffee and we'll spend the whole day together huh?" Sam asked, I smiled and nodded as Sam kissed my head, got up and headed out of my room to bring us breakfast.

I lied back on my bed and sighed as I looked around and sighed as I thought about everything that's happened and thought about all the advice I've been given...I mean it' exhausting to keep putting up this fight but I can't forgive/forget what they did...god why is this so goddamn hard...

Sam came back with a tray with food and coffee for the both of us. I smiled softly as Sam sat next to me which made me smile as I turned on my tv, put on some shows and we spent the whole day together and it made me feel better and relaxed and Sam's right...I need to just take it day by day...

(Short chapter, sorry it's shit, but enjoy!)

(1760 Words)