broken as i • a kylo ren story

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hearing you say this, kylo grabbed a chair that was in the corner of the room that you didnt realize was even there. he put the chair right in front of you and sat on it.

"okay, so you kind of got it spot on. my parents and my twin siblings- nixon and nora straight up left one day. i dont feel like getting into the details of it, but they left me at the age 19 all alone to care for my brother jaxx, who was 5 at the time. they left me 100,000 bucks to live off of pretty much. i blew a good chunk of it on moving to tatooine, a pretty big mistake but no going back i guess. as i was saying, that night when i realized they were gone for good, i was trying to figure out why they left. more importantly, why they didnt leave the twins with me as well. then it hit me, the treehouse. when i was around like 7 or 8, my dad was building me a treehouse. i was playing on it one day when it wasn't completed- which was a mistake because that day, i fell off of it. this treehouse was pretty high up, i would say 14 feet. i have no clue why it was so high, but that is besides the point. well i fell, and before i hit the ground, i guess i like used the force or something to prevent me from falling to the ground? i was floating in the air for a good couple of seconds. it was honestly amazing, it felt so cool. that is until i did fall onto the ground, but only like 2 feet off of it instead of 14. that was the first time i used the force i guess? i have no clue. but my parents witnessed the whole thing from the inside of our house i am guessing. but they never really mentioned anything about it. then jaxx was born. i have always been pulled to him, unlike my twin siblings- i didnt really bond with them that much. i felt as if i had to always protect jaxx and be with him, i dont know. then a similar thing happened to jaxx that happened to me. it occured pretty close to when my family left, so maybe this is what really set them off. one day, jaxx and i were playing somewhere- i have no clue. i tripped somewhere and was about to land on something dangerous. that is until jaxx somehow like used the force to move it away? my parents also saw this go down. the thing is, both jaxx and i arent trained- well at least with the force. we dont really know that much about it honestly. it just is werid how we can use it. neither our mom and dad were force-sensitive. i think that is what it is calle-"

"maybe they hid it from you?" kylo interrupted you, trying to take in all the information you were hitting him with. he never heard of anything like it.

"that is what i thought. but no, i can sense it. they definitely were not force-users. i do think that they left jaxx and i because they were afraid of us. they just never admitted it. they tried to play it off as if them leaving would protect us, but i know that they truly meant them. they wanted to protect themselves." you stated as you felt a tear slip.

"i tried to convince myself for a while that maybe they actually were trying to protect jaxx and i. maybe their was somebody coming to get us? why would they leave us if somebody were attacking us? it made no sense. i stopped feeding myself lies and decided to just face the truth i guess. i always knew that i was special or whatever when i was younger. that sounds stupid, but it is true. then jaxx came along and it was just like...wow. moving on, my family wasnt ever really team resistance nor first order. sorry to break it to ya." you winked at kylo. "we never really talked about the war at all in my home. that is the reason why i sound so uneducated about what is happening. i guess my parents tried to avoid the subject or something. of course i knew about the war, how could you not? but we never really get into detail about it. on endor, i never really saw first order nor resistance personnel. maybe that is because my families home was in the middle of nowhere? i got no idea. but when i moved to tatooine with j, i started to see a bit more of both resistance and first order. like i said before, when i was growing up we didnt talk about it...but i was always fascinated with the first order. i dont know, it just seemed like... cooler? i have no idea what i am even saying. even now though, the first order just seems like, you know what i mean. my mom was 47 when she left. my dad was 51, and the twins were 12. it has been 4 years now since they left. i am 23 now, so they must be 51,55, and 16. speaking of age, how old are you? you seems fairly young to be practically leading the first order. do you lead the first order? i do not know."