broken as i • a kylo ren story

xvi (liv)

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you laid on your bed for what felt like 2 minutes, but in reality it was closer to 2 hours.

your head was racing with thoughts of all kind, and you couldn't seem to focus on a single one. your motivation to get up was nonexistent, and in the moment you felt as if you wanted to just...give up.

a sudden knock on the door brought you out of the crashing ocean you called your mind, but it didnt matter since you were soon to drown in it anyways.

you shifted your arms a bit because they were starting to get tingly, and you heard yet another bang on the door. you didnt feel like yelling out to whoever the hell was on the other side to go away, so you decided to just ignore it again- praying they would just go away.

but, when you heard yet a 3rd fucking knock, you lost your shit. "what the fuck does this son of a motherfucking bitch want? it better be goddamning good, they are being way to shitting persistent right now." you ranted to yourself as you walked over to the door.

you used the force to open it, and low and behold kylos bitchass was standing right in front of you.

you couldnt seem to hide your facial expressions from him, and evidently you didnt care if he even saw them either. of course that part of you that loved and cared for him was still there, but he deserved to see how disgusted you were of him. you didnt speak a word to him though because well...very obvious reasons.

when you didnt respond to the door the first 2 times, kylos patience wore very thin. he was very close to just busting in, but he knew better. if he did that, the miniature plan he had in mind probably wouldnt work out and that wasnt what he wanted at all.

but when you did answer the door, kylos heart dropped just a little. he saw the way you were eyeing him, but he also knew that deep down you were hurt by his words and actions- and he couldnt be mad at you for it.

he too was hurt by yours as well, but it was clear that you were more affected. the 2 of you maintained strong eye contact for what felt like an entire lightyear, and in that time span kylo saw something in your eyes change.

that look of hatred and bitterness disappeared right before him, for a reason he didn't know. what he did know was that you knew. and boy was he right.

as you stared in kylos eyes, you noticed that there was something that you've never seen in them before. or, at least not the amount there was now. but that thing... when you saw it, it felt like it had always been there.

it felt like the light had always been there.

when you realized what happened, when you realized kylo had been snatched out from the darkness, you felt a wave of serenity wash over.

in fact, it was more than just serenity. it was this overwhelming feeling that everything was finally in place, and what needed to be done? was done. that nasty expression was stripped from your face, and guilt began to silently take its place. you continued to gaze at his newfound eyes- well, new in a sense that you felt as if you were peering into fresh ones.

ones that never slaughtered, ones that never tortured, ones that never hated, ones that never harmed. you studied them carefully as he gawked back at yours as well, oblivious to the way he so subtly changed.

you found yourself getting closer and closer to him, and soon enough your faces were inches away from touching. the both of you hadnt been close in this aspect since... a while to say the least.