broken as i • a kylo ren story

ii (xxi)

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after you let the room, kylo just stood there in shock.

did he really just start saying those words? it seemed like the words just flowed out of his mouth without any thought given to them. and did you seriously just walk out with him? kylo couldnt seem to comprehend what had happened. he stayed in the same position for a good 10 minutes, trying to piece everything together. he decided it was best to leave you room, just incase you came back.

you clearly didnt want to seem him- hence you walking out, so he respected that. while walking back to his own room, he continued to think about the situation that laid before him. he felt pain, anger, and...heartbreak.

he sat down onto his bed, taking in deep breaths- trying to control his emotions. he wanted to scream. he wanted to destroy something. he wanted to cry. he wanted this to just be over.

he could feel the control of his emotions slipping just as he heard a knock on the door. he stormed over to it, only for it to reveal a single stormtrooper.

stormtroopers rarely came to his room, and when they did- he was notified beforehand. most times, high ranking personnels were the ones that came over, so he was confused at what was going on.

"i was not notified about a stormtrooper showing up to my chamber in the middle of the night. was is this about? is there some sort of emergency?" kylo asked.

"im sorry supreme leader. no, there is no emergency or anything to worry about. y/n simply told me to give you this letter. once again, i apologize for any confusion." the trooper handed kylo the piece of paper.

"thank you." kylo turned around and shut the door with the force.

he walked over to his desk and opened the letter. his eyes went wide as soon as he did.

kylo,

by the time you are reading this, there is a great chance i am already gone.

kylos heart instantly dropped. did he just read that correctly? gone? he decided to just continue on.

please, do not go after me. also, please do not worry about me. i am fine and if i am not, you will most likely feel it in the force. i am sorry for any and all pain i have caused or am causing you right now. that has and never will be my intention...ever. i just need this time to fix myself. to fix the pain that haunts me every single day. just know, that i will eventually return and hopefully as a better version of myself.

kylo noticed the word 'hopefully' was crossed out a couple of times.

please look after jaxx while im away. he is aware of the situation, but please... just do it. i have faith that you will listen to me right now.

                                                                          y/n

kylo noticed that something wet was smearing some of the words of the paper. he then touched his face and realized that it was him. it was his own tears.

he swiftly wiped them away and set the letter down. he tried processing what he just read.

gone. im sorry. fix myself. look after. faith.

kylo proceeded to read the note 5 more times, just to make sure he was understanding correctly. he hoped this was all a huge misunderstanding or maybe even a sick sort of joke.

but he knew that it was that. this was reality, and he was going to have to face it- alone.

he walked back over to his bed and crept into his covers. he stared at the ceiling for hours, trying to fall asleep but wasn't successful. all he could think about was how you had left him all alone, with barely any explanation.