broken as i • a kylo ren story

xvi (xvi)

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the next day rolled around and it was now the start of training. kylo arranged so that the hours of you exercising with him and jaxx didn't interfere with your hours of work- and you were glad. it made your life easier which made you less stressed.

that morning, you didnt to put on some simple leggings and a workout-ish top. before you finished tying your shoes, you heard a loud knock on the door. you opened it and it revealed 2 stormtroopers that you havent seen in a while.

"peter! wyatt! oh, i havent seen you in ages! i have missed you so much!" you pulled the 2 of them into a hug.

"i missed you as well y/n." wyatt said.

"what are you guys doing here?"

"we are here to bring you over to the training room." peter explained.

"i didnt know that people were going to come get me. that explains why jaxx thought i was a stormtrooper that one day....anywho, i am glad that it is you 2. we have a lot of catching up to do."

"of course of course. lets start walking." peter said to you as he gestured for you to walk out of your quarters.

the entire walk, the 3 of you had a very long and interesting conversation. talking about things that have recently happened to you all, rumors that have been circulating the base, and more.

"we are here. peter and i will be getting you each morning, so you will be seeing you more often. i hope training goes well"

"i appreciate it!" you opened the door and walked in. your jaw almost dropped because of how huge it was. all types of weapons surrounded you, weapons that you have never seen before. there were mats on the floors and a whole entire wall was just filled with mirrors. you looked over and saw jaxx and kylo stretching.

"hey kuts!" you heard jaxx call out.

"hey j!" you replied as you walked over to them.

"kuts? who is kuts?" kylo questioned.

"wow y/n. i am honestly shocked that you haven't told your boyfriend about your nickname!"

"jaxx y/l/n! stop that right now. i am not dating kylo ren! and even if i was, it would be none of your buisness. you have no right to say that foolishness!"

kylo watched the entire argument play out. he was glad that you knew that the 2 of you werent dating. nothing between the 2 of you could ever even happen. he was the supreme leader and he didnt need any distractions. but it was so incredibly hard to resist you. even though you both knew that you werent dating, he couldnt oppose not being around you or thinking about you- and that is what he despised.

he knew that if anything more happened between the 2 of you, it wouldn't end well. relationships were forbidden and if you had a romantic one with somebody, you had a big punishment coming your way. he also knew that having a distraction caused weakness... and he didnt need that. so, he tried to get you out if his head whenever you would appear, but it was so difficult. it was almost like you wouldnt go away and that caused mixed emotions within kylo.

one side of him hated having you in his mind. it makes him feel powerless and puny. it made him realize how he didnt have control over everything and it caused the fury in him to rise.

but the other side of him loved having you in his mind all the time. he loved picturing you smiling and laughing with him. he loved thinking about you talking about the most strange things. he loved y- no. no. never. he couldnt. he doesnt love anybody. he cant. he couldnt. he wouldnt. or so he tells himself.