Flashing Lights (completed)

Chapter 8

I wake up with a pounding headache and my alarm clock blaring in my ear. Another full day of classes and work. Or serving time whatever it's called that I'm doing at the library. I can't help but to feel a smidge excited at the thought of seeing Adam again. But the images of yelling at him last night remind me that he's probably not in the least interested in seeing me.

"Good morning, how's your head feeling?" Rebecca asks focusing her eyes on my stitches.

"It hurts, but I'm okay"

"I'm going to eat lunch at The Yard today if you are around and want to meet up." I can tell in her voice she's not even sure if she wants to have lunch with me. And she's nervous. She does this little thing with her hand every time she's nervous. It's like a twitch and she tries twirling her fingers around each other. I feel like I've seen before but can't place it..

"Yeah that sounds good, I'll meet you there." I think my response surprises both of us.

The Yard is basically what it sounds like. An open yard where people hang out and picnic, do homework, paint, draw, play instrument, take photos, whatever you feel like.

My morning passes quickly and it's already time for lunch. I see Rebecca from a short distance. She hasn't noticed me yet and it crosses my mind to ditch her. She's wearing another hideous dress today, floral, but I can't stop from letting out a little laugh because only she could pull it off. She really has no business designing clothes.

"Kami, over here" Rebecca is waving her hands in the air. She's with a small group of people sitting at a picnic table under a tree. I'm a little bummed when I see Ally and Shawn but no Adam.

"Kami, you've met Shawn and Ally, this is Penny and Jason." Rebecca introduces me to her group of friends. I'm not sure if this group is all coupled up but that would leave Adam and Rebecca as a couple and for some reason the thought of that makes my stomach flip. 

Shawn plays the guitar and hopes to write music. Ally is studying interior design. Penny is getting her liberal arts degree but wants to be an actress. Jason is a film major and is constantly rolling his camera.  After filling me in on what their studying they get into a discussion on their majors and whose is better. I just listen as I eat my lunch and stay out of the argument and laugh at a few of their reasonings on who has the better major.

The break in classes seems to go by fast so I start picking up my stuff from lunch and just realize how much I've enjoyed myself in the last hour. More than I have in a long time. But then it hits me. Guilt. Guilt for feeling any kind of joy. I don't deserve to enjoy life after what I've done. And I don't deserve to have friends after what I've done.

Penny interrupts my thoughts. "It was nice to meet you today Kami, you should have lunch with us more." 

I just smile at her as I gather my stuff and turn to walk away without saying a word. These forced back tears are trying to come out again. Two days in a row now. And I'm over it.