Flashing Lights (completed)

Chapter 25

She wipes a tear from my cheek and says "I want to show you something."

I follow her to the kitchen where she has a photo album open. There are baby pictures of Bethany through all her years.

"I want to tell you something I never got a chance to tell Beth." She pauses and shifts her weight to one side. Visibly nervous.

"She was adopted. Her dad and I tried to have a baby for so long." She wipes the tears running down her cheek. "But it never happened for us. Our only option left was an adoption. So we went though an adoption agency and quickly we were told there was a woman expecting who was going to give her baby up. It was the happiest news we had been given. It was a closed adoption. So we have no Information about her real mother. Just this photo."

She pulls out a wrinkly and teared photo of Bethany as a baby and her mom. Something about the woman in the photo strikes a familiarity but I guess this is who gave birth to my best friend.

"I don't know what to say." I tell her confused on why she is telling me this. "We wanted to tell her we just never knew how and then her father died and I kept putting it off." Tears roll out of her eyes.

A gesture from my dad catches me off guard a little bit. He walks behind Mrs. Michaels and rubs one shoulder to comfort her. He and I make eye contact and he suddenly drops his hand.

"I felt like by telling you, the closest person to Beth, it would somehow make up for her never knowing."

I smile at this woman. Realizing how much she has lost over the years. Her whole family. And then carrying this burden. I just wanted to take it away from her. I wanted to do that for Bethany.

"I'm glad you told me. And I know whether she would have known or not. She always felt lucky to have you as a mom." I tell her. And it's true. Bethany knew how lucky she was.

"Thank you for saying that sweetheart. Now what are you going to do?" She looks up at, dabbing her tears away.

"I don't really know what to do." I tell her.

"I want you to try to let go of the burden you are carrying, Bethany would want you to move on. You have to live and carry Bethany's memory with you. She is always with you, if you let her." She says to me so confidently.

"I will try. I will try to let it go, the guilt, for Bethany." The words taste like poison when I say them and my stomach turns. It feels final. I hadn't realized until now, that I hadn't really accepted the finality of losing Beth.

"Grief doesn't go away sweetheart. It changes over time. But when someone leaves that was part of you. That loss never leaves your heart. And it's okay. Grief is just another way to love." She tells me letting out more tears. This woman knows grief all too well. I know the ache I feel inside... I can't even begin to imagine hers.

"It hurts." I tell her grabbing my stomach

"I know it does. It will for awhile. But when it starts to lessen, you have to let."

"Okay." Nodding my head in agreement not really sure if I understand or not.

The three of us sit around retelling stories about Bethany. We cry and laugh and I feel a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I hadn't retold stories of her in so long. After awhile I tell Mrs. Michaels and my dad that I'm going to get some sleep and leave to go back to school in the morning.

I can hear the two of them whisper as I head to my room. They seem really comfortable together I didn't know they had become such close friends after I left for school a couple months ago. But I guess it's nice for them to have some company.

I get to bed and let some of what Mrs. Michaels said sink in. She is right I know it but doesn't make it easy.

My mind goes to Adam. And the look on his face when I left him standing there. It looked like he'd been punched in the gut. I keep thinking of the night we spent together. And thinking of the last couple months.

When I'm with him I just feel different. Like maybe the grief is lessened a little bit. He is such a light that I feel a magnet to. It's like I know his presence before I even see him. I'm not sure what this is but I know I don't want to lose it. I have to see him as soon as I get back tomorrow.