Letter Six

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Dear Dove,

I knew something was wrong
when you didn't answer my calls.

We'd been each other's rocks
in the days leading up to graduation.
You spending the nights in secret
at my place.
Neither of us being able
to walk by his room.
Not at night.
Not at 11:11 pm when I found his
body in sight at that dreaded time.

When I reached out and felt
that empty space,
I knew.
I knew where you had gone.
I'd been waiting for this break,
to be honest.

Because when Blake died,
time froze in that house.
And with it,
you'd been forgotten.

Your mother immersed herself with charities. Your father found your younger cousin to live through.
Only the maid saw you.

Why was it only the maid
that cared in these situations?

I found you in
my borrowed pajamas.
You watched me climb the branches and vines leading up to his balcony.
This was where he'd died while staring up at the moon.
Drunk and choking on vomit.

We watched the stars and sat at the edge when you spoke your dark thoughts aloud for the first time ever.
I can't do this anymore, you'd said. I can't breathe.

I knew then what I wanted to do.
I knew then what
we both wanted to do.
I looked down at the ten foot fall,
rubbed the golden rosary in my pocket, and analyzed
the best way to fall and end it all.

Let's do it together,
I heard myself say.
We were ready to die.
The world was too
suffocating to live in.
And with Blake gone,
I'd lost the courage to free Stella.

What was the point anymore?

What was the point of living
if I could never be free?

But then you got angry
at the thought of me dying.
And then I got angry
at the thought of you dying.
Two people who were ready
to end it all.
But were unable to because they weren't willing to
let the other get hurt.

Six years later and I'm grateful
for our stubbornness.
For how unwilling we were to cause
harm to the other.

Six years later and I'm grateful
for the lives we lived
and the memories we made

Our real friendship was born
on that fateful night.
When we both decided to live.

At 11:11 pm.

Dove,
you were the one who:
d) saved me.

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