A Hundred Flashbacks

The Devil Within (Chapter II)

My elder sister who's before me used to tell her past about me when I was a kid. She said I was running towards her catching her with a knife in my hand for a very simple reason. She threw something at me and it hit me. I personally don't remember anything about it but somehow I thought it happened in a dream. She stopped playing with me after that.

After becoming an amazing Marine Engineer, I was so happy with my accomplishments. On my early age at twenty-two I bought a van for the family aside from the businesses I have given to them. On twenty-three I bought my first home and by twenty-four I had my first own car. Everybody was amazed how I made it. Everybody was looking after me and wished to be like me. I helped my family all the way throughout the years. As expected, my sister Chin who graduated as a Cum Laude is hardly noticed and rarely support my parents since her salary is only good for her own. Everything just works as I imagined it would be. Predicted how things turned out to be but not on that day.

On board that ship, I was the only Asian officer and the rest are Russians, and Europeans. I got no problem with that and they were happy with me. We got gym onboard and Engine Officers likely to go to the gym while I continue working late or spend time on studies.

One day, I was the OOTD or officer of the day on board the ship. Assigned to check all the machineries was once again a piece of cake. I have my sight on them machines for years already. I was in love with machines and fixing it is my stuff while its alarms are music to my ears. I was about to go up so I went lastly to the engine control room to check the Integrated Control and Monitoring System or ICMS. The day was perfect as it is but everything stopped when I received a hard slapped on my shoulder that brought me to my knees.

It was our electrical engineer. He's for sure from the gym and he probably felt so pumped and wanted to release some of them muscles. His big hefty hands reached my little shoulders and brought me to my knees. After that, it really felt like time had surely stopped. Like I landed on the floor after minutes of dropping throughs the air. I never felt any pain at all. I was feeling empty. I was like about to enter in my dreams. A thing I haven't experienced for long time now and starts consuming me. Everything then felt like darkness and desolation and despair.

For sure I was sitting there for too long. My body was waiting for Electrician to comeback and wake me up from that dream. He didn't bother. I never noticed him anymore if he passed by and left from his room. He left me on that dream state. As I started losing my control over my body but still I felt like I was dreaming. I remember minutes after that I was sitting facing the computer. I felt so broken. It's as if somebody was mad that my body was touched in that manner like I don't understand at all.

I remember many times I've been hurt. I remember my father's fists that I catch on every other day. I remember being insulted but all of it I was fine. Right then I remember, it happened before. It happened to my sister and it happened again to her. I was out of control. It felt like it was not me at all. There was this feeling inside of me that I can hardly resists. Its eagerness. Its lusts and thirsts. Its anger and anguish. Its despair and excitement towards nothing but death and blood.

Inside of me was crying. I can't contain him. Whoever it is that wanted to end someone's life, I was shattered to pieces. How did I felt this way? People can't just take someone's life. I was crying deep inside but I saw my body not even blinking while sitting and facing the wall. I was not on myself at all and my alter ego keeps fighting back to it as he was right. It's craving for blood as much as death. It's nothing simple. I might escape from this on land but not when I'm on a small piece of boat in the middle of the vast ocean. It's too taxing. I started to be exhausted. It's more than an hour for sure while I was there and can't get over. Somebody please help! But those moment nobody came to touch me. To bring myself back to reality. Once again nobody was there to save me. My body was left right there like I was on sleep paralysis stage. Somebody! Please! Tap me!   

Next: Life or Death