Now I See You // Jikook // ⚠18+⚠

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Song recommendation: Falling- Harry Styles
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The rain was splattering against the car window, the world outside grey and faded.
Jungkook was watching the raindrops being sled along the cold surface by the oncoming wind.
A single drop drew a line, almost fading until it connected with another drop to keep the line alive, reaching the end of the window and disappearing from his view.
The sound of the choir and the orgy was making him more melancholic than usual.
His mother was saying something in the background, but he wasn't even listening.
His own answers sounded like old recordings which he heard too many times.
"Yes mother.", "I understand mother." "Of course I will, mother."

He had hoped he would get better as the days passed. 
Days were the hollow feeling inside him threatened to swallow him whole- to draw him into that darkness which let in no light.
He felt like one of those raindrops on the car window which drew a line behind them but faded, unable to connect with another to keep living.

Fading, each day a little more.

"Jungkook! Pay attention. Leviticus 19:3!"
The sound of his mother's annoyed tone ripped him out of his thoughts.

Every person must respect his mother and his father.

"Sorry mother. I was just in thoughts about the maths exam today. Forgive me."

His mother shot him a sideways glance, her eyebrows drawn into a frown which lifted at her sons pale appearance.
"You will do fine, son. You've been practicing all week, right? And you never disappointed us. You've been praying too, right?"

Yes, Jungkook thought to himself, I never disappoint.
He forced a smile on his lips when he dared to speak again.
"Of course I have. I will do good, mother, I promise."

She smiled at her sons words and gently ruffled his hair.
It didn't feel comforting- more like a dog being patted on the head for being obedient.

He stared into the crying world again, feeling like crying himself.
God is always with you, my son, his fathers always told him.
Where is he on days like these then?

There was no answer- as usual.

Jungkook suppressed a deep sigh as his mother pulled into the parking lot of the school.
He said his goodbyes quickly, feeling trapped in the old, grey Volkswagen.

"And don't forget to invite your girlfriend to dinner tonight!" his mother yelled out the car window after he had already taken a few steps.
A shudder ran down his spine, but he just turned and smiled politely.
"I won't. She'll be very thrilled."

Her face beamed as she rolled up the window again.
As soon as she drove away, his smile dropped.
The rain was already soaking his school uniform and he turned to face the entrance of his school.

For a moment, he couldn't move as he watched the mass of students.
Many were hurrying inside, trying to avoid the rain, others stood there unfazed, chatting and laughing with each other.
They did it so effortlessly, their heads thrown back, their shoulders shaking and the sound of their carefree laughter made him feel worse.
He wished he could be like them.
Happy.
And he should be. 

He had parents who cared for him, even though they were a bit strict at times.
He had a beautiful, smart girlfriend and amazing friends.
And he had God.
Whatever that means.

He shut the voice down as hard as he could.
He wasn't supposed to think like that.

He shook his head to drive the dark thoughts away, sending drops of water flying as he did so.