Now I See You // Jikook // ⚠18+⚠

*25*

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Song recommendations: Never Not- Lauv ( Or listen to Jungkook's little cover) 
                                                     Hurt for Me- SYML                                 ___________________________________________________________________

It was like the Roller coaster called life just took a very deep plunge into nothingness.

He lay in bed unable to forget Jimin's words, unable to forget anything.
He hurt.
Oh God, when would he stop hurting so damn much?

They met up after school like promised, walking into a park.
The day was nice and warm, but the beautiful weather felt like a trap, the sunshine unable to warm his freezing heart. 

Jimin had said nothing all the way there and his unease had grown by the minute. Was he angry? Hurt? Disappointed? He could understand that. He could deal with that- but not this silence. 

He couldn't tell from his expression either, his mouth drawn into a thin line and his forehead crinkled in a frown.
He led them to a bench where they sat side by side, both silent.
He didn't know how to start the conversation.
Eventually, the small boy sighed and lowered his head, his elbows resting on his knees.

"I think we should take a break."

The lowly spoken words hit him like a canon ball, his head snapping around and his mouth dropping open.
"What do you mean?"

He barely recognized his frail, trembling voice.
Jimin still didn't look at him, keeping his eyes on the ground at his feet, his back hunched over.

"I mean what I said, Jungkook. We should take a break. I don't mean we can't meet up and talk...but I just need some time. It's like you said: theoretically you still have a girlfriend. It doesn't seem right for you to be with me."

"Not right?" He breathed, not understanding- not wanting to understand what he meant.
This - the two of them, was the only thing that ever felt right to him.

"Look," he began, his hands shaking as he pressed them together.
"I know I've hurt you and I'm so, so sorry. But believe me, there is nothing between me an Lisa."

"But there could be."
"What?!" He almost yelled the words and an older couple walking by turned their heads.
He swallowed hard, lowering his voice again.

"You're wrong. There will never be anything between me and her. I know what I am now. I don't like girls that way."
"Maybe your just confused, Jungkook. I mean, have you ever even tried with Lisa? I know you slept with that girl in bible school, but one bad experienced doesn't determine anything. Maybe if you tried with her, it would be different?"

His mouth dropped open wider.
Was he serious right now? He would never like Lisa that way.
 Even the kiss with her....
Yeah, he'd liked it, but only because he'd imagined it was Jimin! 

There was no one else for him.
Did he not know that?
Did he not feel the same?

"Nothing will ever be between me and Lisa. I swear!!"

Jimin sighed again, but kept his eyes lowered.
"You said the same thing about us not long again, do you remember? Things can change."
"This won't!"

He was getting desperate.
Why was Jimin not looking at him?
How could he not hear the absolute clarity in his voice- see it in his eyes?

"You could at least try!" The small boy suddenly grounded out between his teeth, anger leaking through.
"It would make everything so much easier for both of us."

Finally he looked over and suddenly he wished he hadn't.
He saw nothing of his precious, only a very angered yet guarded boy.

"Think about it! You wouldn't have to feel so damn guilty and useless as a son, your parents would be happy, Lisa would be happy and you could be happy too, eventually, with a normal life. Without shame, or being called a fag or having to go through a million legal papers just to get married! You can have all of that with her, not me."