The Stag and The Harpy | James Potter

I love you

{{ITS HAPPENING EVERYONE STAY CALM}}

James woke up to loud banging and laughter in the kitchen below him.

Sleep did not come easy the night before, especially when Sirius crept back into their room smelling of smoke. He stared at the ceiling above his bed silently for a long moment, an odd feeling growing in his chest. He frowns when more laughter erupts, sighing as he swings his legs over to stand.

He tugs on a sweater, shuffling to the door of his room and down the stairs. The feeling in his chest grows painful at the sight he's greeted with in the kitchen. Phoebe is still in her pajamas, standing at the stove as she laughs at Sirius. His friend has flour and what looks like an egg shell in his black hair.

"Hope I'm not interrupting," His voice sounds off, sour and irritable. Even he knows it. Sirius quirks a brow at the tone, but Phoebe must not notice. She smiles brightly over her shoulder, saying warmly, "Morning, James. Come get some crepes."

The feeling in his chest lessens slightly at the sight of her. She glowing, her smile easy and her eyes bright. The emotion is back though when the ugly monster in his head tells him that Sirius made her feel this way. Made her happy. He scowls slightly, doubt clouding his mind. Sirius again picks up on this, saying carefully, "Your parents went to work."

James ignores him, taking a plate of what looks like very thin pancakes from Phoebe's hands. She furrows her brow when his eyes meet hers, surprised at the coldness there.

"You okay?" She asks.

James ignores the question and says instead, "You didn't come to see me last night."

Phoebe's smile falls slightly, causing a twinge of guilt in James' chest. She replies slowly, "I'm sorry. I was tired so after I finished helping your Mum I went to bed."

James doesn't mean to scoff sarcastically, but it comes out anyway.

"Slept the whole night, huh?" He asks, glancing sideways at Sirius. The boy frowns and asks irritably, "What is your problem, mate?"

"My problem is you were all over my fucking girlfriend last night," James barks out angrily, slamming his plate down on the counter. Phoebe jumps at the sound, eyes widening in shock.

Sirius laughs, looking at James like he's grown another head, "You've lost your mind, Prongs."

James' hands ball into fists at his side, his jaw clenched tightly.

"I know what I saw," He says coldly. He turns his gaze to Phoebe, jealousy and fear driving his words.

"You wouldn't come see me last night but you'll snuggle up to my friend in my back yard?!"

Sirius intervenes before Phoebe can say anything,

"Oi! Don't talk to her like that," He growls, scowling at his friend. "Just because you've gone mad doesn't mean you get to treat her like that."

Phoebe jumps between them quickly, saying quietly, "Sirius, go."

"No way! Not when he's being a d—"

"Go!!!" Phoebe says loudly shoving him away. He glares and grumbles angrily as he stomps up the stairs. Phoebe whirls around to face James, asking incredulously, "What in the bloody hell has gotten in to you?!"

James doesn't respond, just stares at her. Finally, the jealousy erupts and words spill from his mouth.

"You'll talk to him. But you won't talk to me."

Phoebe blinks, dumbfounded by his downtrodden words. James looks away from her, throat tight and cheeks flushed under her examining eyes. He can't even begin to unravel the ball of emotions in his stomach. All he wants to do is go upstairs and beat the shit out of his friend.

"James," Phoebe whispers, eyes wide. His jaw tightens even more and he feels like his teeth are going to break under the force. He doesn't resist when she cups his cheeks and guides his eyes back to hers. He's momentarily stunned by what he sees. There's pure, unbridled and unmistakable admiration on her face. He expects anger, irritation. But Phoebe Griffin never fails to surprise him.

She smiles softly up at him, her thumb gently stroking his cheek.

"You're an idiot," She says calmly. James huffs and tries to pull away, but she's surprisingly strong for her size.

"Would you quit being a baby and listen to me?! Last night...you've been nothing but patient and helpful to me. But sometimes it feels impossible to talk to you about what I'm feeling."

James opens his mouth to speak but she stops him, saying firmly, "I'm so overwhelmed by you. You're so in tune with what you feel and it's so easy for you to talk about it. But how am I supposed to tell you that I still wish my mother was different, even after she died a horrible death? I've felt awful, and guilty. And your mother...your mum and your upbringing are everything I wanted but never had. Sirius gets that. He still feels the way I feel. I'm terrified that I've finally got something good and it's going to vanish right in front of me."

James is flooded with embarrassment at his outburst, guilt creeping in and gripping him with tight claws. He frowns and reaches out, gently brushing her hair away from her face.

"I-I thought you had been telling me what you were feeling," James admits sadly. Phoebe sighs and says gently, "I've been trying to not pile it all on you. I'm scared you've grown tired of me."

James' eyes widen and his brows shoot to his hair line.

"What's given you that fucking idea?!"

"You won't touch me," Her hesitant voice is full of embarrassment and her cheeks are pink. "It's stupid, because I know you've been trying to give me space...but I can't remember the last time you really kissed me. And that makes me scared. That you really are bored and tired of being with me."

It's terribly hard for her to confess her fears, but she knows that he needs to hear it. James stares at her, completely dumbfounded. Guilt and regret makes his throat tight and he tries hard to formulate a response. Finally He frowns and whispers,

"I'm never going to be tired of being with you. And I'm scared too. I want to know what you're thinking and feeling because I don't want you to run away. I'm scared that you're going to disappear right in front of me."

Phoebe takes a deep breath and looks into his hazel eyes. She steels herself, reminding herself that she is capable of feeling emotions and that feeling this way is not bad. Even though it scares her.

A tiny smile pulls at her lips and she whispers, "I think we've got to communicate better, James. I'm not going anywhere," she pauses briefly and holds her breath.

"Because I love you."