Aurora | ✓

7| Safe

"Hang in there, good things are coming"

Tw: mentions of suicide and abuse

✿

Aurora

They started yelling. I had to get out of there. I can't take the yelling. I'm feeling bad right now. It triggered my nervous system and I am having trouble breathing.

I got out of the room and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a shirt, not caring everyone can see the bruises of my arms and the bandages on my wrists.

I'm running through the beach. It's not that early for surfers to be here I think it's around 7 but there are some of them sitting on their boards far inside the ocean talking and laughing.

I don't see anyone else, probably because it's Wednesday morning and everyone must be working or in school.

I slow my pace when I'm far enough from the house. Running isn't helping my breathing, only making it worse but I needed to get out of there.

Tears are falling down my cheeks as I sit down on the sand. Why do I break everything? It's my first day here and I can't even have breakfast without causing trouble. I feel nauseous.

I puke in one of the recycling trash bins, then I sit leaning into a big rock.

It was a bad idea to run after having breakfast. I ate it all because I don't want them to feel like I'm ungrateful for the food they give me or something.

Truth is I'm used to eating something like and apple or nothing for breakfast. At lunch, Riggo would let me eat half a plate and sometimes when I was bad he didn't let me eat at all.

Dinner was never an option since he didn't want me "bloated" for when he came into my room for his nightly release

That's why I can't sleep before 1am. He'd come around 11, did his business and left — but sometimes he came at 12-12:30 but never past 1 so I only feel safe after that time. Even though he's not here.

Tonight I had a nightmare and have been awake since 5am. I cried a lot because I dreamt about the night two months ago when he drugged me so I didn't move because I was struggling too much.

It was one of the worst times he raped me. It turned him on so much to see me so still, but I felt everything I just couldn't do anything but cry. He went on all day long. I was so sore I didn't get up for a week.

He at least had the sense to bring up some food Maura cooked and water so I didn't die but he mocked me saying things like..

"I can't believe I fucked you so hard you can't even move"

"My princess this is how I want to see you every day, broken and bloodied"

"Maybe I should fuck you again tonight so I can see you like this for a little longer"

Maura came into the room too. She was jealous he liked me more than her I guess so she came in and made me pleasure her. She'd even bring her dildos for me to use on her rotten cunt.

I try to block the memories. They're only making me sob into my knees harder. I'm stupid. I'm broken. I'm a slut. I can't do anything right. I'm worthless. I'm a fucking bitch. I'm a liar. I'm a whore...

I dry my tears. I must look pathetic. I can't afford someone finding me and seeing my sobbing. My eyes are swollen and my nose red. Saying I'm a mess is an understatement.