When I Adored You (Bad Desires #1)

13

A small smile slipped up on Kara's lips as her hand covered Damon's. After the chaos that had covered her heart when she had been in James's room, Damon's touch just brought a feeling of calm to her. It did not make her heart pound like James's touch did, but then it did not bring any pain either.

"I am happy that you are finally back for good." Damon bent his head down and left a small kiss on the bare skin on the corner of her neck.

During the past years they had grown a lot more closer than they had ever been in the past. He had started caring for her more, seeing his future in her. They had never crossed the line of closeness begween their bodies, but they had grown closer emotionally. In the past three years, he had flown to meet her without telling anyone in the family whenever he could get a chance. At first it was just to check up on her and see if she was okay, but then later it had turned into a strange craving that could not get fulfilled till he saw her face in front of his eyes. He had not even realized when his feelings towards her had grown into something that was deeper than the friendship they had since childhood. He had started loving her.

*****

James was watching the view of the town from the balcony of his room. There was a clear view of the whole city, but then as his eyes drifted blankly, what cought his attention was a floating shawl.

She was standing in white night dress with a pashmina drapped over her shoulders. She looked like an angel under the glow of moonlight falling over her.

Their rooms were adjoined along with the balconies. There was nothing but a small, half wall seperating their balconies. He saw her gaze was stuck to the sku, her eyes lost in her own world.

After she had left his room, he had followed her almost immediately to talk go her. But then he saw her and Damon together. He had wanted to march over and rip them apart, but then he did not want to lose his control in front of her once again. So he had turned around and left without a word.

Now as he finally got the chance to be alone with her, no way he was going to lose it. So as her back faced him, he barefooted jumped over the small wall that separated their balconies.

As Kara sighed softly in tiredness, she suddenly sensed the similar feeling of having near herself. Unknowingly her heartbeat started rising and a whisper slipped out of her lips... "James..."

James watched the city while holding her close to him from the back. She close her eyes as he leaned on her back and murmured,

"You can still recognize my presence without seeing me."

Kara closed her eyes as she felt the bare skin of his cold chest on her back. His hand slipped to her abdomen, hugging her from back while her breath got struck in her throat.

And then she heard him say,

"I am sorry, Kara..."

A silent tear slipped out from her eyes as he continued,

"I know what I did three years ago was the greatest mistake I can ever do in any life... but can u forgive me for that?"

Kara leaned on him, "there is nothing to say sorry about, James. It was not your fault, you were right in your place, then why are you saying sorry." her voice was never above a soft whisper.

"Kara...." His was close enough to her earlobe that his breath was now leaving a shiver in her spine.

The way he was touching her now, he had never treated her like this before, never expressed his feelings to her so openly. It was not the first time he had held her but the way his heart throbbed, she had never felt it before, "Kara, whatever I did back then was just a mistake of my childishness. I thought I was mature back then, had more understanding of the things in this world than others, but I was wrong."

Kara smiled, "I know you were never smart."

In her teasing tone, James could see the old Kara, her smile took his heart away in that moment, but he knew this was all just a show, only to satisfy him. She knew he was feeling guilty and she did not want that.

"You still want only my happiness." James' fingers clasped her abdomen a bit tighter as a sharp pang of a hurt shot in his heart.

"I never wanted anything else." Kara said with a small smile.

"Will u forgive me?" James clenched his eyes and waited for her answer with his breath stuck in his chest.

Kara was silent for a some moments. Her silence surrounded them. James rested his chin in the crook of her neck while his mouth softly kissed her earlobe, before slipping up and slowly nibbling it. Her heartbeat became frantic.

"Tell me, Kara. Will you?"

"I have already said it, James... I can only forgive you when I am angry with you. But look at me, do you see any anger on my face or in my behavior right now? I know whatever you did was for yourself. You had your priorities, your own reasons and I am not going to ask you what they were. And I know that when you have priorities, there is nothing right or wrong. How can I blame you for choosing yourself and your reasons above me? Not keeping me as your number one priority back then?"

She took a small shivering breath before continuing her words,

"Yeah, it had hurt pretty bad back then. Maybe I still remember what I had in my heart for you back then, what memories you and I had made and cherished and then crushed in the blink of an eye... but that does not mean that I am still angry with you... I forgave you long ago. These three years have changed everything... I can not stay angry with you any longer even if I want to. I do not have any reason to."

James felt his heart exploding with her every word that carried so much sadness in them, like finally burying a loved one in a grave with each word. It was true that he had given her just as much sorrow as much she had loved him. But now when he had finally got her, why he was feeling so much distanced from her? Maybe her anger would have been better to handle but this sudden distance was giving him a sense of fear.