Enemies with benefits - taekook

THIRTY SIX

Jungkook and Taehyung sat crammed on Taehyung’s small bed, Jungkook’s nimble fingers hesitantly tracing across Taehyung’s forearm. There was a small silence, Taehyung looked up at the ceiling, eyes gleaming. Jungkook looked at him.

“Talk to me,” Jungkook said, and Taehyung’s breath hitched.

“I-I thought you told me not to. Ever again.” Taehyung let out timidly, and Jungkook chuckled out in a weak way, pressing his fingertips down on his veins.

“I’ve never seen you break down like that. Never seen you cry.” Jungkook said in a hushed tone, tense air in the room. He pressed his fingertips to Taehyung’s arm once again, and Taehyung looked at Jungkook.

“That day. Um- be-before you came into my room. Before I- um-” Taehyung trailed.

“Before you hit me,” Jungkook stated, calm, but tone stingy. Taehyung nodded.

“My father was there- you-you saw him. H-he- um- he hit me,” Taehyung said, and noticed Jungkook’s shoulders go down, worry filling his face. And god, the way Jungkook’s eyes grew big, that worried look on his face he’d get whenever Taehyung got hurt or looked upset.

“Why?” Jungkook let out, scared. Taehyung looked at him. “He found out about us- somehow. So- so he came all the way down here to slap me across the face and tell me to never do anything with boys.”

Jungkook gulped, looking down. Taehyung felt like crying again but stayed strong. He’d cried too much in too little time. He felt weak, fragile. Jungkook had to hold his hand firmly and take him to his room, sit him down and ensure he calms down. “So- so when you said your name, he knew it was you. And then-then he left but he was still looking up. And fuck- fuck- I g-got so fucking scared, K-Kook-”

“He saw me touch you.” Jungkook murmured, faint. Taehyung nodded. “I panicked. And my f-first reaction was to do the only think I’ve seen my father do. Hit someone I care about.”

Jungkook looked up at him. “What do you mean?” Jungkook asked, and Taehyung’s shoulders were bunched.

“My f-father used to hit my mother. My- my mom, she was 19 when she had me. My father was 40. My mom was poor, naive, too young. I-I wish she wasn’t,” Taehyung said, shaking his head, trying not to cry again. “But she was scared of him too.”

Jungkook looked at how Taehyung’s eyes began glistening with tears. “I kissed a boy once when I was 5. My dad saw and then hit my mom, told her not to raise my like that. She came to me later and told me I-” Taehyung took a deep breath, and Jungkook put his hand on his arm.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to continue, Tae.” Jungkook said softly.

Taehyung shook his head, wishing to let it all out for once, to explain. “She told m-me that it was wrong, t-that I shouldn’t kiss boys. I love her so much, Kookie, o-of course I cared deeply about what she said.” Taehyung finally let the suppressed tears roll down again. “On hindsight, I-I know that she only said that to protect me. I’m absolutely certain she didn’t mean it, not a bit of it. But a-after she-she died, I wanted to hold onto everything s-she ever told me. But I became what she would despise.”

Taehyung took a deep breath. “Someone who hits people. Who bullies people. Who’s mean. Who everyone’s scared of. I’m like my father, Kook. I-” Taehyung started, and then looked at Jungkook, whose eyes were teary too. “I never should’ve hit you. I’m so so so fucking sorry- a-and you don’t have to say it’s okay, because I know it’s not. I’m j-just a terrible p-person, and- and-”

Jungkook pressed his cheek to his shoulder. Taehyung felt himself ease at that, resting his head upon Jungkook’s. Jungkook put his hand around Taehyung’s arm. “It’s not okay,” Jungkook said softly, looking down. “I- um- I went to the nurse’s office a-and held on until the nurse left. A-and then I cried for s-so fucking long, Tae-”