Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

40

I watch Minho stir the ramen in the pot.
Now that I know he knows about Chan and my feelings for him, I find myself cautiously waiting for him to mention it.
But he doesn't. Not a squeak. I've been watching him cook for forty minutes now, and Minho has not mentioned my feelings for Chan or his feelings for me once. Not once.
Minho may be the only person in Stray Kids who can keep a secret. Not that I'm looking to tell anyone of my other secret. I can't trust these boys not to get too excited and spill everything right in front of Chan and Felix.
Minho grabs for various spices and seasons the ramen. I stay quiet and watch his hands unscrew different pots and cans. The way he cooks is weirdly calming, because he knows exactly what he does.
The world could start burning but Minho would know just exactly how to fry the perfect steak in the flames.

He looks at me now, and raises an eyebrow while smiling crookedly.
"Shouldn't you be on the couch with Chan?"
I meet his eyes for a moment, before turning away. My hands find an open bag of chips and fiddle with the metallic plastic of the package.
"I like watching you cook," I say then, "It relaxes me."
Minho makes a noise, like a mixture between a laugh and a huff, before he says, "I'm sure Chan knows another nice way to relax you."
I throw the bag of chips after him. He ducks away and I have to chuckle. Maybe Minho can't keep a secret after all.
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
He shrugs, "No, I like not being alone in the kitchen. But I also know something's up between you two. I know you know. I saw Felix eavesdropping a few days ago when Chan told me about it."
I purse my lips but my cheeks heat and I glance out the door to make sure no one is listening.
"It's weird," I admit finally, "I don't know why but it doesn't feel real. It's like my brain won't let me believe it before I actually hear him say it."
"Smart," Minho grabs a pepper and slices it, "You're trying to protect yourself. So if he decides against it you can pretend it wasn't real anyways. Doesn't matter that both of you feel it. If neither of you say it out loud it's not real."

I'm quiet for a moment. Minho doesn't look at me, he concentrates on the knife and pepper in his hands. I've never heard him talk that way.
I hear Jisung laugh in the living room and think I understand when a small smile appears on Minho's face.
"You're a smart man, Lee Minho," I say gently, "I'm sorry you understand me so well."
Minho looks up at me and nods. "If you ever tell anyone I will steal all your teeth while you sleep."
I laugh loudly full of surprise when Chan appears in the door frame, leaning against the wood.
"If you tell anyone what?"
I exchange a look with Minho and say, "The secret ingredient to his ramen."
"There's no secret ingredient."
I wink at Minho, grinning, "That's what he wants you to believe."
I push myself off the counter and walk over to Chan, wrapping both my arms around his middle.
What Minho said holds more truth than I want it to, and the words still echo in my ear when I bury my face in Chan's chest.

Chan smells like he just took a shower and his perfume is fresh. Somewhat sweet, but also dark and musty. Warm like a hug.
Chan drives one of his hands in my hair and starts playing with my waves.
"What do you guys want to watch later? Jeongin, Hyunjin, and Felix want to watch Crazy Rich Asians but Seungmin, Changbin, and Jisung want to see Focus with Will Smith."
I intertwine my hands behind his back and ask, "Well, what do you want to see?"
Chan shrugs. "I'm a little sleepy actually so I don't really care. I'll probably fall asleep."
"Let's watch Focus, then," Minho says and turns off the stove, "Dinner is ready."

After dinner, we all take place on the couch and turn on the TV. I plant myself between Felix and Chan. Everything goes according to plan.
Now all I have to wait for is Chan and Felix to fall asleep.
Luckily for me, Chan does not disappoint. We're twenty five minutes in and his head falls back into the cushions. Another twenty minutes and the man is fast asleep. I watch him for a moment, the way his lips are slightly parted and the tint on his cheeks makes him look younger.
His body is so warm next to me, his breathing is deep and slow.
My eyes travel over his body until I catch a glimpse of his phone stuck between his leg and the cushion.
I carefully reach over and pull it out, holding it up to his face until the face recognition system unlocks the phone.
Felix on my other side stirs and I shoot him a glance, but his eyes are closed.

This feels wrong. I shouldn't be doing going through his phone.
But I don't know how else to put my plan into motion.
I open Chan's contacts and start typing into the search bar.
I find what I'm looking for almost immediately.
Hannah Bahng.
I send her contact info to my phone, before typing in a new name.
Mom.
I also send her number to my phone.
I could have asked Chan for their numbers, but he would have wanted to know what for. I also thought about shooting Hannah a DM on Instagram or Twitter but she's gotten pretty popular and famous over the past year. I doubted she would even see a DM from me.

I close Chan's phone and place it next to him so it looks like it just slipped out.
I'm my head, I'm already going over what I'm going to say to Hannah and Chan's mom.
Or maybe I should just text them, or maybe send an email?
I'll think about it tomorrow, I need to be alone to draft a perfect message. One that doesn't make me sound like a lunatic fan or a trashy spam.
But right now I just want to enjoy this moment, right here with Chan beside me.