Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

65

Chi almost falls into my arms during practice the next week when I tell her that I'd love to do the Artist of the Month video for Choom Studio.
"Oh, perfect," She pulls out her phone, "I actually already told them you'd do it so this is really saving my ass."
She sends me the contact info for the choreographers and immediately, I get a call from Jung Taeyoon.

"Park Olivia? Here is Jung Taeyoon, it's a pleasure to speak with you," he says.
I leave the practice room under the narrowed eyes of Binna and Hana, and sit outside on a cushioned chair.
"Hello, thank you for calling me right away," I answer.
"Of course! The whole team is very excited to be working with you, Olivia. We'd like to set up a meeting with you during the next few days so we can brainstorm the ideas for the video. Bahiyyih chose Donkey Kong as her song, do you know it?"
I chuckle. "No, but that shouldn't be a problem."
"We agree. I'll send you a link to the song, so you can already collect some ideas until we meet in person."

We set up a meeting for the next day around noon, and then hang up the phone.
As he said, Taeyoon sends me a link to the song Donkey Kong by an artist called EHLE just a minute after the phone call ended.
When I get back into the practice room, Chi calls me aside and I tell her exactly what Jung Taeyoon and I talked about.
She thinks just for a moment, and then she says, "Okay, this is your priority right now. You are exempt from practice for the next three weeks."
She taps her chin and then points at Binna.
"Binna, you'll take Ollie's spot during the showcase in two weeks. Go over the steps with Tao and Hana, yeah?"

And just like that, I gather up my things and leave the practice room.
I consider going home, but then I decide to take the elevator to Chan's studio.
I knock on his door and wait.
"Hmmh," I hear from inside and open the door.
I poke my head inside. Chan sits with his back to me in front of his screens. He's wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black T-shirt, a pair of headphones sits on his head.
I sneak up on him and gently place my hands on his shoulders. He hums low and turns his face to look at me. I press my lips to his cheek and gently take off his headphones.
"We haven't seen each other all weekend, how are you doing?"

Chan rolls back with his chair and pulls me onto his lap so that our fronts face each other. I lock my hands behind his neck. He looks tired, dark circles under his eyes and pale cheeks.
"I'm tired," he says, "I haven't been sleeping well."
I drive my hand through his curls and scrunch my eyebrows.
"Have you been here all day? You should take a break."
He leans forward until our foreheads meet and places his hands on my hip, warm fingers on the fabric of my shirt.
A lopsided smile appears on his face, as he murmurs, "You're here now. That's all I need."

His lips are soft when they meet mine, soft but hungry, and he quickly deepens our kiss. His arms slip around my middle and he pulls me so close our chests meet.
"I missed you," he whispers against my skin. "Tell me about your last few days."
I place a kiss on his left cheek, then another on each of his eyes, and another one on his right cheek.
Then I cuddle into his chest and tell him about the weekend, my lunch with Dad, and then about my chat with Jung Taeyoon.
"I am so proud of you," he says and drives his hands up and down over my back. "You're doing so well. It's incredible how far you've come in such a short time."

I meet his dark, warm eyes and swallow thickly. I still haven't told him about the offer I got from Hybe Entertainment, and I can feel the guilt coil in my stomach.
I bite my lips, and Chan raises an eyebrow.
"What is it?" He asks and touches our noses together like puppies do. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
I take a deep breath. It's time, I have to tell him now.
And I almost do.
I almost tell him.
But then I remember my dad and the way he said I should wait. I should treat the Choom Studio video like a test run, try it out.
There is no reason for me to say something about potentially leaving JYP if there is still a pretty big chance that I might not join HYBE at all.

So I say, "I want you to meet my dad."
Chan grins. "Really?"
I shrug and can feel myself blush. I do want him to meet my father, the only other man in my life. But it does feel like a lie, because it's not what I was planning on saying.
It's not the secret, and I hate having to hide things from Chan.
"Only if you want to," I say and avoid meeting Chan's eyes, "But yes. Maybe not immediately, but over the next few weeks perhaps."

I lower my eyes and play with the hem of Chan's shirt.
"You're important to me, and I care about you more than anything else." I shrug again, slightly embarrassed by my own words. "Plus, I think the two of you would get along pretty well."
Chan wraps his arms around me again and I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck. He laughs silently and his body shakes like an earthquake.
"I'd love to meet your dad," he says then, "Thank you for giving me the chance to meet him."
I chuckle but the guilt kills the words in my throat and my whole body feels too tight suddenly.

But I tell myself that I don't have to panic.
I have time. And Chan will understand. I need to figure this out for myself, I can't have any outside influences. One step at a time, and the next step is the Studio Choom project. It will take up all the capacity in my head if I want this video to be incredible. And I won't allow it to be anything less than mind-blowing.
When that's done, I can think about Hybe.
So I have time. I can slow down. I can think about this in my own pace.