Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

73

Somehow, we land in my bed.
We have gathered all my pillows and built up walls around us, with my blankets thrown over them like a roof. Soft music is playing from Chan's phone, and I lit up one of my scented candles. Now the whole room smells like freshly washed linens.

As always when it's just us two, our bodies are intertwined with each other, tightly wrapped around each other, his hands in my hair.
I don't know how many hours go by, but it doesn't matter. I feel safe here, I am home.

I look at Chan, my eyes tracing over the soft slope of his lips, the edges of his jaw, the curve of his lashes, and he is as beautiful as the day I met him.
Over the past hours, we whispered the words to each other that we haven't been brave enough to say for so long.
I love you.
Over and over and over again. I can't get enough of it. Hearing and saying it alike is like opening a treasure chest or revealing a secret the strength of an earthquake.
I am in love with you.
I'll never understand how words that weigh so heavy can make me feel so light. How they can take so much space up in my heart, even though it takes nothing but the flick of my tongue to say them.

I think I could get addicted to the feeling of it. The pure honesty behind these words. The meaning within them.
And when I look into Chan's eyes, I know he feels the same because he drives his fingers over my skin, speaking the language we created.
The language that is ours, the language that we spoke with each other from the start, he writes onto my skin.

I ADORE YOU
I LOVE YOU

I want to tattoo those words onto my skin as to never ever forget what it feels like to hear them. To feel them deep within my soul. To know it's true with as much certainty as I know my own name.

After a while, he tells me about everything I've missed at JYP.
How Chi made a scene right there in Jung Wook's office. How Hana and Binna announced in front of the whole company that they're quitting. How people are protesting in front of JYP's building both for - and against - our relationship.
How the boys and him have threatened to leave JYP should Jung Wook decide to harm me or my future in any way. How the boys have advocated for me on their social media, first and foremost Minho and Felix. How Changbin had threatened to go on a food strike if I wasn't allowed to see them anymore.

Somewhere along our conversation, I start crying. I am so overwhelmed by all the love, I can't stop myself.
"I can't believe you did all that for me," I say with tears streaming down my face.
Chan kisses my tears away and chuckles, "The boys love you. They were so scared that JYP would forbid them to see you, they would have burned down the building for you. And I'd be right there holding the matches."
I chuckle wetly, "You're so poetic sometimes."
Chan shrugs and grins mischievously, "I am a songwriter by trade, don't you forget that."

My fingers trace the angles of his collarbones, his delicate skin silky soft beneath my fingertips.
"So, does that mean Jung Wook won't get in our way?"
Chan's face turns gentle as he answers, "Nothing can come between us, not even a bunch of old, rich men like him."
He takes a strand of my blonde curls between his fingers and twists it with pursed lips. Then he adds, "They agreed to let us date in public, agreed to support the bands choices about the matter. They are not a threat to us, I promise. We don't have to hide anymore, Ollie."
I think for a moment, before I ask, "And what about Stay?"

"They're... on the fence," he says, "Most of them are very supportive of us, they like to see us happy. But there are always some who are a bit.. delusional and unhappy, I guess. They're a small group though."
He tries to hide it, but I can see it in his face: he's in pain knowing some of his fans might be lost on him. The fans are so important to him, their support means everything to him. I know just how difficult this situation is for him.
I press a kiss to his shoulder and whisper gently, "Don't worry, my love. They'll come around. They just need time to get used to this. It's a big change, but they'll learn to accept and love us together."

He squeezes me tighter towards him and presses his head to mine with closed eyes, before he retreats and asks, "And what are your plans for the future? Have you been cooking up some new projects in that pretty, little head of yours already?"
I shrug with a real smile.
I don't know what's going to happen.
"I have no idea," I admit truthfully, "Binna said something about that, so I guess she has some ideas. Now that her and Hana are out, maybe we can start something just us three together. Or maybe another company could work with me, or another channel on YouTube!"

As soon as I say it, all the pressure in my chest disappears into thin air.
I have time.
I do not need to know where my life is going.
It is okay to take a break, to figure things out in my own pace.
I don't have to figure it all out right now.
Sometimes taking things slowly is a good thing. Sometimes taking a break is a better thing.
Change is inevitable, change is good. It may hurt, but it is bound to happen. It's good to change, it's good to grow.
And these past days have been hell, but they brought me heaven.
So it was worth it.

I look at Chan and I know I am right where I belong. This is home.
This is where I am supposed to be.
Chan connects our lips in a soft kiss, and I can feel time slow until there is nothing else except Chan and me, and this moment. And I know everything is going to be okay.