First Wife, First Love.

24. Insecurities.

***Vedant's POV.***

I should not have let this happen. I should have known better than to hurt my mother. For me she was, has and always would be, important. She is my first priority. Then comes everyone else.

But today when I saw that look on her face, I knew I had hurt her. I hurt her badly. And I feel what I felt that wretched day from when she lost everything. I reminded her of that pain. I made her remember.

Damn, I should have known better. I ran behind her, calling her name. She stumbles a bit and still doesn't stop. She goes into her room and just when I am about to enter; the door is closed on my face and I feel dreaded feeling up.

"Mom, open the door. Mom. Open up. It was a mistake. I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear. Please open up. Look, I removed the rakhis. All of them. Just open up." I say as I try to remove them from my hand, but they just get more tightened.

I somehow got them off of my wrist and tried to put it away when Arya took it from me. I didn't notice her coming. She must have run behind me and is looking at me with mixed emotions. Anger, disappointment and questions are in her eyes. But I don't have time for it now.

"Mom, open up. Please. Let's just talk. Okay. Mom." I say and try to hear if she is in.

"Vedant. Let me do-" Arya goes to say, but I stop her.

"No." I say in frustration and anger, "Not you. Just leave, Arya. It is between Mom and me. There is no need for you here. You celebrated your Raksha Bandhan here. Happy. Now go and celebrate with your family."

She looks at me with wide eyes as if I slapped her, and I realise what I said. I try to rephrase it, but she says, "Fine. Obviously, you don't consider me part of this family."

She turns around and leaves with tears in her eyes. I tried to stop her, but then I remembered Mom. I can't leave her. She needs me more than Arya. Arya has others, but Mom always had me, and what I did today might have made her insecure.

I run my hand through my hair in frustration. Then turn around and knock on Mom's door again and again and call out to her.

After a while she says without opening the door, "I am going to sleep now, Ved. Please don't disturb me anymore. I will talk to you later."

"Mom, you are not lying, right? Will you talk to me later?" I ask.

"Yes, Ved." Mom says.

"I am sorry, Mom. I am really really sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did." I say.

"Did you remove all the rakis?" She asks after a few seconds' pause.

"Yes. I did." I say.

"You shouldn't have. It did not upset me. Wear it back." She says, and I hear footsteps fading away.

I get confused for a few seconds, then walk towards my room. I don't find Arya there and sit down on the bed. I always used to wait for Rakshabandhan. To have a little sister waiting to tie rakhi on your hand and then expect gifts and her brother's love and protection in exchange. But even after having three sisters, I was an unfortunate brother who could not accept such lovely sisters.

Why? Because I promised long ago to protect my Mom. Am I being unfair to others by doing so? If so, then should I stop being a son, the person I always have been? I feel my shoulders burdened with all these suppressed emotions. What should I do?

Accept or Reject? Both ways, I am going to end up a guilty and unfair person. How I wish I could stop feeling those two emotions which I have been living with for my whole life.