Restless Soul

19

   A wave of students poured down the stairs into the long corridor as the bell chimed for the start of the next class. Towering most of his peers, Matt strolled down the hall with music blasting away any chance at social interactions. When he entered the class, the chatter died down. Caleb and Roman had been talking to Tristan up to that point. Their unspoken words hung in the air as they now focused on him. For guys who thrived on being emotionally unavailable, they picked up on his grouchy mood the moment he pulled into the school lot ten minutes late.

So many streaks were being broken in so little time. From his pacific problem-solving approach to arriving at school on time, Matt had been slacking.

   Ignoring the stares, he plopped down in a chair close to the wall and rid himself of his headphones. The class was slowly filling with students. Usually, the presence of his twin barely caused a reaction. He'd even go as far as to say she barely crossed his mind, even though they were in the same class for forty-five minutes per day. Today, watching her as she walked in came with a jolt of guilt down his stomach.

   It wouldn't be the first time she drew attention to herself by just being there. He'd noticed it in the past, but it'd never bothered him so much to see the way Tristan gawked at her. He pulled out his phone and nudged Roman's elbow to get his attention. He leaned over the back of his chair while Tristan showed him something. Matt's knucks turned white as Roman didn't even try to hold back a snicker, his eyes shifting between Amanda and the screen.

So Tristan did it? Matt thought as he took in the scene.

There were rumors about a video of the field incident. It had yet to be leaked, something Matt was grateful for because it made it easier to trace it back to the source.

   Amanda appeared to be in her bubble, blocking out what clearly was a discussion about her. Through all the rage Matt was feeling on her behalf, his guilt was slowly catching up. It wasn't the first time she'd been the laugh track in his presence, and he'd let it happen. How could he now walk around self-righteous, when he had a part to play in her demise?

Time rolled by so fast now that he was lost in thought.

When lunch came, he sat at the edge of the table, ignoring the discussion actively happening.

Matt slowed down mid-chew as she went to sit with her friends.

She'd either ignored all the stares and whispers, or she was oblivious to the gossip forming around her.

Matt believed the latter, which made him wonder how the hell she could ask as if nothing happened.

   To everyone, Matt often came off as a carefree guy. Good things for him were the natural order of things. He's the mayor's son which granted him the amazing genes of his mother and father, he was the captain of the football team and the student body spokesmen, a position that was created solely for him, and he was an honor roll student. He was the guy others were jealous of and that girls longed the be with. The son every parent wished to brag about to their friends.

He had it all.

Yet at this moment, he couldn't help the bitter jealousy that flooded his throat.

   Amanda was living his worse nightmare. Deep crescents scarred his palms at the prospect. Here he was, stressed by the notion, yet her good mood didn't falter. Sometimes, he wished he could so easily brush things off. It was torturous to worry about somehow who couldn't care less, but he couldn't help how he was, and for the first time, he felt the weight of perfection on his shoulders.

"Dude, are you okay?"

Matt tore his eyes away from their table to the chubby guy beside him.

"What?"

He swallowed hard before looking down. Matt followed his gaze to his open palms. He quickly flipped them over and rubbed them against his pants.

"Uh nothing... it's..." he trailed off when his tray flew off the table, dumping the food on his dress shirt and pants.

"What the..." he began, but stopped himself when he looked up to find a pissed-off Moncel glaring down at him.

"If I'd known that's what it'd take for you to speak two words to me, I would've done this a lot sooner."

   Matt cursed himself mentally. With everything happening, Moncel had been the least of his worries. Now that he looked down at his pasta-stained clothes, he realized his mistake.

"Moncel..."

"Oh, so you do remember me!" she exclaimed, cutting him off.

Matt gritted his teeth. Heads were turning in their direction as she clapped sarcastically.

"I figured the disappearing act was a family affair, but I'm afraid to say your nut-job sister wins that category."

A series of "Ooh" and "Ahh" erupted around them. Panic slowly washed over him as they'd now become the focus of their pears.

Caleb handed him a napkin and he got up to clean himself as he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Can we not do this here?"

"Why? Are you embarrassed? Imagine how I felt telling you how I feel just to have you stare at me like I killed your cat?"

"I don't have a cat."

The slap came as quickly as he realized keeping his mouth shut should've been his only option.

"Screw you, Matt!"

She stomped away and let out a hysterical screech when a girl dared to cross her path on her way out of the cafeteria.

   We all know the phrase "Be careful what you wish for." Matt had wished to be able to block away all the judgments and whispers being spread about him. Amanda managed to ignore it all and so could he. What had remained out of the equation when finding himself envious of her situation was the fitting circumstances she lived in. Which had been, up until lunch, a far cry from what he had to deal with. Matt had been a casualty caught in the cross-fire until then. Courtesy of Moncel's dramatic scene, however, all eyes were now on him.

   Between the guilt that slowly consumed him and the embarrassment he couldn't rid himself of, Matt could feel their laser-sharp gazes losing their sting. He wanted to believe he was growing a thicker skin, the past week made it clear that only the strong survived a public scandal, and though his heart had yet to catch up, his mind already maneuvered ways to render him numb.

   That lie could've very well been his reality if when he'd stepped through the school gates, he didn't find Amanda standing by his car. She didn't see him until he was just a few feet away. From a distance, he'd unlocked the car all while they exchanged a look he couldn't read. When she turned her back without a word, an unexpected gab hit his heart. If she wished to make him suffer for all the times he'd looked away, her plan was working.

He wondered, as he got in the car, how long it'd take for him to be unphased by nothing and no one. Or if he'd grow insane before reaching that stage. 

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