Two Wrongs

Uncomfortable: Liam

"This is weird."

Lana laughed from the other end of the phone. "What is?"

"Me," I answered, flopping onto the king size bed in the cushy apartment that had been rented for me. "Sitting here... alone..."

I'd been in Atlanta almost three weeks now, and I was beginning to feel Allegra's absence like a literal weight on my chest. The first few days were nothing. Hell, the first week, I was fine. But then I started thinking too much. I started wondering where she was and what she was doing at all hours of the day. I started wondering if she was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about her. I started texting her cute little memes or commenting on all her Instagram pictures. I was a fucking mess over this girl and as much as my brain tried to tell me that I hated it, I didn't. I just wished she was here with me.

"Instead of going out and trolling for girls?" Lana finished.

I glowered even though she couldn't see me. "I don't troll, thank you very much. They flock to me. I don't need to do anything."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lana teased. "You know what I meant."

"I've never been at home, waiting on pizza, alone, at nine o'clock while I'm shooting," I sighed, propping one arm behind my head as I held the phone to my ear with the other.  "You know this about me."

Lana laughed brightly as if my rambling was the most humorous thing she'd ever heard. "Yeah, well, I'm not sure you've been in love since we've met."

I choked on nothing but the saliva in my mouth and shot up. "Who said anything about being in love?"

"Liam, come on."

"I never said I was in love, Lana."

"You don't have to," Lana insisted with a chuckle. "I'm not a moron. I can tell. I can hear it in your voice."

I consciously made an effort to even out my voice, not that I had any clue what she could 'hear' in it or how to fix it. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're such a bloody liar," Lana snickered. "You love her, Li. It's okay. It's honestly kind of cute."

"It's not okay! It's not cute! That's not what this is. I can't be in love with her. I don't want to be in love with anybody!"

"Well, too fucking bad, buddy. You definitely are."

I groaned as I once again threw myself onto the pillow top, forearm shielding my eyes from the fluorescent lighting above me. "This wasn't supposed to happen."

"Yeah, that's usually how it works."

"We were just supposed to be having fun, ya know? Mutually getting our itches... itched. It wasn't supposed to turn into a whole fucking thing where I can barely exist because I fucking miss her so much."

"Aww, Liam."

"Shut up," I commanded. "Don't 'aww' me. I hate being 'aww'ed."

"Are you really pouting because you actually have feelings for someone?"

"Yes! Feelings are dumb!"

"You're so fucking weird," Lana laughed.

"I don't want to do this, Lana."

"Well, I guess you'll have to tell her that."

"No!" I exclaimed. "That's not... that's not what I meant."

"What DO you mean, Li? You're being kind of confusing."

"BECAUSE I'M CONFUSED!" I shouted. "I can't do this! I don't know HOW to do this! I don't know how to actually date someone and not fucking hurt them. I don't know how to NOT mess this up.  I don't want to break her heart!"