Two Wrongs

Patchwork : Liam

We didn't do much talking that weekend that I was back in town, even if it was what we needed to do the most. Instead, there was a lot of cuddling, some tears (hers, because I was determined to hold mine in) and mostly just... being together. I still wanted this, her and I, more than I wanted anything, but it was no longer clear how that was going to look. I wasn't ready to be a dad. I wasn't sure I ever would be, and it didn't seem like Allegra was real eager to add parent to her resume either.

"What are we going to do?" Allegra asked softly, curled under the down comforter on my bed. "We barely even talked about it this weekend."

"I know..." I answered, swallowing the pit in my throat that even thinking about our news firmly planted there. "I... I don't know, Legs. I really don't."

Allegra's eyes darted to her hands nervously. "We can't just ignore it, Liam. It's not going to go away."

"I know that I just...." I stopped and blew out a breath so sharp it caused the curls to jump off my forehead. "I don't know what to do, Allegra. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what we should do. I don't even know what the right thing to do is here. My head's a fucking mess."

"I get that, Liam. So is mine. It's not like I wanted this either, you know."

"That's not what I'm saying." I sighed as I finally glanced at her. She looked so exhausted. She was paler than her usual golden complexion. There were bags under her eyes that I'd never seen before. This girl was wiped; emotionally, mentally, whatever other kind of wiped there was.

And I was feeling it too. I was just better at hiding it.

I tried to give her a comforting smile as I stepped away from my dresser and sank into the bed beside her. I lifted a hand and brushed a few stray hairs from her black bob off her forehead. "I know this is scary," I said softly. "I know there's a lot to figure out, but I think we both need some time. Right now, we're both panicking and that's not going to lead to any well-informed decisions, ya know?"

Allegra let out a soft scoff and looked at the emerald green manicure chipping away from her nails. "You're not wrong."

"I'm only going to be gone another two weeks," I stated. "We've still got loads of time after that to figure out what we want to do, okay? It'll give us time to sort out our thoughts and really figure out what the best plan is."

"Can I ask you something?" Allegra asked, her dark gaze lifting up to mine. Her eyes were bloodshot from both the many tears and the lack of sleep of the last few days. I missed their usual sparkle so much it hurt.

"Of course, baby."

"Do you even want kids?"

I sighed and laced my fingers with hers. "That's not a simple question for me."

Allegra responded with a soft laugh. "I feel that."

"It's not that I don't want kids or even that I really do," I explained. "To be honest, I've never thought about it all that much. Or at all, really. I mean, you're the first person I've spent more than a random night here or there with in the last four years, so..."

"And we still don't know each other that well," Allegra added. "I mean, it's only been a few months."

"True," I said with a sigh. I licked my lips nervously. "I'm scared to be a dad. I can tell you that much. I didn't have... a real good example of what a father is supposed to be, ya know? So... I'm not sure I know how to meet the qualifications."

Allegra gave me the sweetest smile, and for the briefest moment, I felt like all of this would work out, no matter what we decided. Just the dreamy way she looked at me could set my entire world right. "I'm not sure anyone immediately meets the qualifications, Liam. It just... happens."