Two Wrongs

Fight or Flight: Liam

The second I got into the fresh air, I hunched over and deposited everything I'd ingested that day into a trash can. Not that it was much. Airport food was too fucking expensive, but it all came out.  My stomach had already been a bundle of nerves, wondering what I'd done to make Allegra not want to talk to me, and now... now it was worse. So fucking much worse.

I puked until it turned into nothing but dry heaves. Before I could even straighten my posture, a bottle of water appeared in front of my face. I slowly looked up, my head throbbing as I wiped my mouth on my wrist and met Joey's eyes.

"You alright?" he asked, giving me a pursed, sympathetic smile.

I grabbed the water from his hand and instantly cracked it open. I shook my head back and forth, over and over again as I chugged half of it down. "No. No, I'm not alright," I finally answered, my voice crackling a bit. "I can't do this, Joe. I can't. I'm sorry. I just... I'm not made for this shit. I'm not made to be someone's dad."

"Yes, you can," Joey said softly.

"No, Joe. I can't. You don't understand," I argued. "I can't be a dad. I can't be the man that your sister or this baby needs. I can't do it. I don't know how."

"You can learn, Liam."

I shook my head again, gritting my teeth to stop the burning tears in my eyes from falling. "I can't. I really can't."

"Look, man, I know your dad was..."

"You DON'T know," I interjected. "You don't know the half of it, Joey! Only Allegra and Lana know everything that happened to me, and even they don't know fucking details! Just... trust me. I can't... I can't risk putting a child through what that man did to me. I can't risk turning into him. I can't..."

"Stop it," Joey commanded sternly. He braced one palm on each of my shoulders. "You will not be your father, Liam. You are better than that."

"You don't know that!" I exclaimed, no longer able to hold back the tears. "You don't know. I don't know. I can't do that to someone else. I can't put someone through the shit I went through."

"You are not your father, Liam," Joey repeated. "You're not and you won't be because you know what it's like. You know better and you can be better."

I just closed my eyes and shook my head rapidly. "I don't think I can."

"Listen to me," Joey instructed. He took my face in his hands, forcing me to stop the movement and look at him. "You and Allegra have a lot of decisions to make, and Sadie and I will be here for all of them..."

"I can't, Joey. I can't do it."

"You can," Joey argued. "I know you can. I know because I know how much you care about my little sister. I know that you don't want to just walk away. I know that you don't want to make her do this alone."

"I don't, Joe. I don't want to walk away but I can't... I'm not the man she needs," I pretty much sobbed. "She deserves so much better than me. She deserves someone she can count on, not someone who runs out of her hospital room because he can't take the heat."

"Says the man who just flew halfway across the country because she wasn't feeling well?" Joey retorted with a smile. "Come on, man. Even if you're not ready to say it, you love that girl. We all see it. She sees it."

"That doesn't mean..."

"It does, Liam. You came because she needed you," Joey continued. "And now you have to decide whether you're going to go back up there and show her the man that we all know you are, or if you're going to run away because you're scared."