Moving On ✩ Carlos Sainz Jr

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟕

♪ I get scared when I walk on these stages
I look at the crowd and see so many faces, yeah ♪

Maya Martinez POV

As soon as we got home I laid in bed so I could get some rest before organizing everything but I fell asleep. I know Camila and Mariana did the same because they didn't come to wake me up. I woke up in the middle of the night and I only got up to change into my sleeping clothes, I was so tired I fell asleep in jeans, that is a difficult one. The next morning I met them in the kitchen while they made breakfast.

"I blacked out on my bed. I even slept in outside clothes" Camila says surprised with herself and we nod.

"I don't know how Carlos does this for most of the year" I say tiredly.

"I could get used to this, I would just skip the party. Maybe once in a while, but every weekend they do all this stuff and then party until sunrise. They are crazy" Mariana says drinking her coffee.

"I have the ultrasound tomorrow, do you think it will be weird? We shouldn't be messing around. We will have to raise a baby together" I say clearly regretting the decisions I made at the party. I cringe when I remember I called him papi to try to get him to fold. I failed terribly as you could see.

"I think he liked it, there is nothing wrong about it. You have a lot of chemistry and a lot of sexual tension. You should work it out before the baby is born or it will get messy. See if it's just attraction or maybe something else, you have nothing to lose" Mariana says and I shake my head.

"That is a bad idea. You saw his ex, she is gorgeous and the opposite of me. I'm the mother of his child, nothing more. I'm not rich, I'm not successful, I'm basically failing at life and I'm glad this child will have a better safety net than I did" I say keeping it real because I don't want to create expectations that I obviously shouldn't. Carlos's life is the opposite of mine, and that's fine, but our lives wouldn't sit well with each other.

"You have way more to define you than money, you are successful. You survived a car crash that killed your parents, you fought to survive, and you got over traumas that people usually can only imagine in nightmares. You fought to survive, and you were alone but you rose out of the ashes, you finished college and you are having a kid with a pretty awesome man. You are doing just fine and if you fall in love that's fine too, you deserve love. You deserve a family after everything that happened" Camila says outraged by what I just said. Did I tell you that I love them? This is one of the reasons.

"You two are the best and you will be the best aunts and babysitters" I say hugging both of them while we laugh.

I'm glad I live with them, I get depressed sometimes and I would feel lonely living alone, without going into the financial aspect that the three of us benefit from. They don't want to live at home and I don't have a home. This apartment is my home for now. I feel so scared knowing I have a human being growing inside of me, I don't want to fail the baby, I want him, or her, to be healthy and perfect.

I feel like everything I do has to be thought out two or three times to ensure I'm not making a mistake. It's in these moments I wish I had my mom here, she would be happy to be a grandma, and she would give me a lesson about the one-night stand but she would know what to do. But she isn't here. They both died in a car accident, it was my 20th birthday, in 2018, and we were coming from the celebration.

One minute we were happily talking and listening to my favorite song and the next our car was upside down, we were hit by a drunk driver with a suspended license. The person who did was prohibited from driving any vehicle for 6 years, the maximum here, and he got 4 years of prison so he gets out of prison this year. If I think it's fair? No, but this is what my country thinks is fair.

Needless to say that I don't celebrate my birthday anymore, October 14th is the day my depression gets the worse of me. Christmas is also messed up and any of their birthdays too, I refuse to remember them for their death and I remember my parents for every day they lived and every lesson they taught me. I just can't erase the moment I saw them both die in front of me.

"They would be proud of you baby" Mariana says after a few minutes of eating breakfast in silence.

"Would they? I mean I know they would be good as grandparents and they would be happy but I did it all the wrong way. I'm a nobody, I didn't make a name for myself, and I am not even on my career path. I think I'm failing in everything" I say nervously and they shake their heads almost in sync.

"They loved you, they would be more than happy to be grandparents and it doesn't matter how it happened. Things happen for a reason and now we can't change what has been done, you got a good man, enjoy it and let things flow. You are 23, your career will start and this baby will be the biggest blessing you could have" Camila says and I nod.

"I need to calm down. Thank you for the support" I say and they nod happily while I gave them a smile.

I spent the rest of the day resting and watching some television, they did the same. Tomorrow I have the ultrasound and they will have work so we are just enjoying the day together as lazily as we can. We deserve this too.