Carmi's Review #1

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Book Title: Nightmare

Author: MeadowSterling

Reviewer: Read-aholic2006

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Title: 10/10

It's a striking one-word title associated with darkness or fear. I love it. It immediately grabs a reader's attention.

Cover: 9/10

The grey, smoky aesthetic of the cover matches the ominous title. Plus BTS fans would scream over this well-chosen cover. However, I would enlarge the author's name because it's hardly visible against the background.

Blurb: 9/10

It's short, but informative. The blurb doesn't beat around the bush; it's matter-of-fact as it instantly introduces the plot. The rhetorical questions hook readers and the inclusion of a quote at the very end creates some tension, some interest. However, I suggest that the author fixes the grammatical errors because it lowers my expectations—such little mistakes gives way for the idea that there will be further mistakes in the actual writing and makes the author seem unprofessional.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10

The storyline isn't that creative. It's follows the typical enemies-to-lovers trope: the sweet but stubborn girl is forced to marry the cold-hearted businessman but eventually they fall for each other. But I'm actually a huge fan of the enemies-to-lovers trope, but sometimes certain characters and storylines can get a little overused. However, near the end of the book, there's a shocking revelation, one that actually made my jaw drop for a full minute. And although this twist has been used in many other books and movies before, it caught me completely off guard and I'm impressed. Although the storyline is leaning toward being cliché, it is still very imaginative—this is fanfiction after all.

Plot/Flow: 18/20

The author immediately introduces us to the female MC and her situation and quickly sets the scene for her readers. The chapters are nice and short and fluid. This story actually makes for a quick-read. However, the writer seemed to be more focused on dragging the story to the finish line rather than providing sufficient information. The lack of details leads to various questions—and not the good kind of questions that evoke suspense within the readers. For example, the writer needs to tell us more about our characters' businesses—in what do their companies specialize? Fashion designing? Technology? Engineering? And why would Tae's father want his son to marry a girl with a struggling business? Why would he want to help our female MC's company? For goodness sake, he's rich. Why would he make such a deal when he doesn't even know her? There needs to be more clarity.

Characters: 7/10

Yes, the characters can get my stamp of approval, although some of them come off as being a little idealistic. Tae—who is supposed to be a stone-faced jerk—almost immediately falls for the person he's supposed to hate, making him seem all soft and sweet. I also find it rather unrealistic that Jungkook would randomly blurt out his brother's past to his new sister-in-law. I mean, what person tells someone they've only just met that his brother was abused by his father? Isn't that sensitive information? But maybe I'm just being overdramatic.

Writing style/grammar: 5/10I won't lie—there are copious amounts of grammatical errors. Ranging from the typical comma splice to incorrect capitalization. Some sentences are difficult to comprehend due to the omission of certain words or using the wrong tense or the lack of punctuation. Here's a common piece of writing advice all writers can follow—show, don't tell. Don't write what is happening, show it. Be descriptive. In one of the chapters, the narrator plainly states, "I feel so embarrassed right now." Instead, replace this with: "I immediately looked away, physically feeling how my cheeks turned a violent shade of crimson." The same rule applies to the following—Please avoid placing an action verb between these bad boys (the beloved asterisk: **). These symbols are mainly just used in texting or social media, not professional writing. Eg) *smirk* *slurp* *rumble* *blush* *shock*Instead of using *sigh*, you can replace it with, "I let out a heavy breath, annoyed and frustrated." Remember—show, don't tell. Also, many of the sentences sound quite awkward. They're a little too blunt or unrefined. In one of the chapters the author wrote:"...her beautiful long leg is showing between the slit from the dress." A suggestion would be to change this sentence to something that sounds much more...polished: "The teasing slit that ran up the side of her dress gave way to a sliver of her smooth, slender thigh." And I get that this is a fanfiction that's supposed to place the reader directly in the MC's shoes, but constantly using the abbreviation "y/n" decreases my enjoyment and increases my frustration. But maybe that's just me. The writer could rather tell the story from a third or second-person's POV. However, if the writer really wants to make her reader the main character, then I would've preferred it if she used first-person narration and replaces the repetitive "y/n" with "you". Lastly, the formatting is inconsistent. Sometimes the paragraphs are right-aligned, then centered, then left-aligned. The descriptions aren't that bad at all. But the sentences seriously need to be reconstructed to improve readability.

Genre relevance: 10/10Fanfiction, romance, short story, angst—it's all there. So the author hit the nail on the head by keeping the story close to its genres.

Reading enjoyment: 5/10It was an interesting story. The swift change in perspectives was refreshing. I really loved the twist in the end. It shed light on the gloomy title. Things really took a dark turn and I think that was my favorite part of the story. But I still don't quite understand how a certain character died in the end. Like, what happened? This isn't usually something I would read (not fond of fanfics in general), but the chapters were concise and enjoyable. 

Overall thoughts and extra comments: 80/100I advise the author to focus largely on her grammar (punctuation, spelling, tenses, etc). She should also work on embedding more information in her writing and with dedication and proper editing, this story can easily make its way up the popularity ladder.

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