This review was written by Hershey_297 . This review is for Blood by JosephinePond
Title (5/5): The title is straightforward, and it's associated with the story itself which is a vampire romance! Love it.
Cover (4/5): The cover is super pretty, and it does give off vampire vibes. There is a small detail that slightly bothers me. Your name slightly overlaps the title, and I think the word "blood" could be made bigger. It could be moved up just slightly and increase in size, but it's just a suggestion! This cover is still amazing. One last thing, the quote is also not that visible, so I might increase the thickness of the text just a bit.
Blurb (4/5): This blurb gives the readers a clear overview of what they're in for, but there are a few syntax/grammar issues.
1) The dash after "World War II" needs a space before and after it.
2) The ellipsis at the end (...) needs a space after it So it should be somewhat like... this.
First impressions total (13/15): I'm loving this so far! The blurb just has a few minor mistakes, and the cover can be improved a bit, but other than that, I found nothing else.
Individual chapter review: -Chapter 1 (4/5): The descriptions are beautifully done, and the suspense is all there. There were a few small tense changes and comma errors though, so I took off one point for that.
1) "[...] muffled reports, of snipers..." I think the comma here is unnecessary. You can still read the sentence without this.
2) "[...] atop his own house he'd be dead..." There needs to be a comma after house!
3) "[...] these infernal boots..." The rest of the story is in past tense, but this part suddenly switches to present. Unless it was intentional and would be explained later on, I would change "these" to "those."
4) "That you were dead." Jan spat. So here, this would be read as he says the line, then spits on the ground. I don't think that's what you were going for. You would have to change this to a dialogue tag, so the period inside the quotes becomes a comma. Then, it would be read as... him spitting this line in Deitrich's face.
5) There were a few more comma errors where they weren't placed correctly, but I most likely wasn't able to identify all of them on one read.
6) This chapter was really good though. I felt genuinely frustrated at the postman for what he did. You managed to make me feel bad for this guy in one chapter, which is amazing and pretty hard to do. I like where the story is going and since I read the blurb, I can see the vampire part of this! Good job!
-Chapter 2 (3/5): I liked this chapter, but I liked the previous one better since it had more suspense. There was a part in this one where it felt like info-dumping about her life, so I deducted a point for that.
1) "He's family," Luci said, "whatever else he is. Has he found a job?" So, a small issue here. I would replace the comma after said with a full stop. I would also change the wording of the second quote. Make it into: "Before anything else. Has he found a job?" It seems a bit more meaningful, but this is just a suggestion!
2) I mentioned this earlier, but the part about her ex kind of seems out of the blue. I get that we have to know about her, but maybe now wasn't the best time to info-dump? The transition to talking about her mother's death wasn't as smooth, and it just seemed off. One moment, someone is flashing a smile at her, but the next... she's talking about her mother's death. I think the part before can relate to this a bit more.
3) "[...] were a couple and Merit felt more alone than ever." Here, you should add a comma after "couple" since the second part of the sentence is independent.
4) "Shift...the stone." You need to add spaces after an ellipsis, or it just looks a bit crowded.
5) I wasn't expecting the ending to go like that! It just goes to show you can't trust strangers. I feel like the skull-faced guy might be Deirich, but I could be wrong. I just feel like since he's a vampire, his age might be catching up to him, and the fact that Merit saved him might mean he feels in debt to her. I may be wrong, but that's my prediction for the future! Also, I feel like the fact that Merit was chased down by a bunch of guys might be an allusion to what happened to Magda in the prologue. I'm very intrigued by where it's going so far. I also left a few comments on the side since I just felt the need to add commentary :)
-Chapter 3 (4/5): So far, the same issues with the dialogue tags are repeating, so I'm just going to list one of each.
1) "Luc," Jonathan said, "shut up." I think you can just make the comma after "said" a full stop, and you can capitalize the "shut."
2) There also needs to be a space after an ellipsis!
3) I like the detail where Johnathan seems to not be over her yet. He's visiting her in the hospital despite her being his ex.
4) "Those men, finding me." In this case, a period would suit this sentence better. The comma is a bit strange, and she just woke up. The periods would seem as though she has to think about what she has to say. Also, when you're tired, your sentences tend to be shorter!
5) I like the friend dynamic the two girls have going on. It seems like Merit completely trusts her, which could possibly lead to bad things in the future!
6) I also love that you added the fact that nobody believes her. It makes the story more realistic instead of her friend just instantly trusting what she says.
Overall score (24/30): A 24 from me is a pretty good score since I tend to take off points for the smaller things! This will definitely be going into my reading list! Other than the grammar errors, the story is progressing at a smooth pace so far. I couldn't read too many chapters in depth since they were quite long. I will tell you a few storyline points below.
1) The showing and telling in the 4th chapter is spot on!
2) The pacing is really nice, and we're already at the point where the blurb was! Thank you for not making it nearly ten chapters until we get to the actual story!
3) Love Johnathan's humor! It says a lot about his character. It seems like him and Dietrich are going to be polar opposites. I love everything so far, and the story is really well-written! Good job and keep writing!
