Book Title: Reflections
Author: Paradisus001
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(NOTE: This review is only based on the first 5 available chapters. )
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Title: 5/5
Readers can easily link the title to the story.
Cover: 4/5
The cover isn't very eye-catching (probably due to the inconspicuous background and moody colour scheme), but the image relates to the most important setting of the story—the school's roof. It's clever that you used a reflection effect on your title, but I advise you to add a border around the text so it stands out more.
Blurb: 4/5
Your blurb, although concise, is rather bland. You could season it with a better description or a slightly more detailed extract.
Creativity/Originality: 5/5
Suicide and depression are popular themes in the YA genre, so it would be very interesting to see how you present these topics without making them sound overused and boring. The only significant event in your story so far is Cecily's hallucinations of these suicidal girls on the roof; I think this is a unique representation of her reluctance to end her own life.
Plot/Flow: 10/10
You already dive straight to the point in chapter 1, so the pacing of the plot is somewhat exciting. In chapter 2, it is revealed what had happened to Cecily and her now ex-boyfriend. (I feel so bad for her.)
Each time Cecily steps onto the school roof, she encounters a new girl who is also planning to commit suicide. And each time she talks them out of it—before they disappear. I love how the question of who these girls are opens this door to various interpretations. They most likely embody Cecily's secret will to live; in her subconscious, she doesn't actually want to die. Or the girls can be seen as angelic beings—you know, celestial saviours in disguise.
Characters: 7/10
I can't heavily comment on your characters as you haven't introduced that many, which is understandable since I'm only five chapters in and this is meant to be a short story.
There also isn't that much information about Cecily yet. But at this point, I think it's wise to provide readers with a physical description so she's brought to life. Also, Cecily seems far too one-dimensional, which undermines the complexity of her character. Her emotions aren't being conveyed effectively. It's best to show and tell us what she's feeling, for example, when she climbs the stairs up to the roof. What thoughts are racing through her mind as she walks over to the ledge? Is she scared? Confident? Is she filled with anticipation or dread? Does the prospect of broken bones and blood send a chill down her spine?
Your dialogue is a little rough around the edges. When the girls tell her why they don't want to live anymore, she doesn't respond the way that I would expect her to. Instead of sounding empathetic, she comes off as slightly self-centered, although I know she's trying to be encouraging.
Writing style/grammar: 6/10
Despite the use of creative similes and personification, your imagery is somewhat... mediocre. Anyone can say that the wind is blowing and that the grass is green, but it's how you phrase these basic descriptions that makes your writing sound mature. For example, instead of simply stating that the cloudy sky was "as blue as can be", you can write the following: The sky was submerged in the brightest shade of blue, broken up by clusters of clouds.
When it comes to your grammar, it's not that terrible, but it still needs improvement. I came across a spelling mistake, errors regarding punctuation and tenses, the usual typos and incorrect wording and prepositions.
Genre relevance: 5/5
Your story falls under the YA genre, a wonderfully broad (as well as vague) category, so you've made it easier for yourself to embrace multiple themes and topics without diluting your storyline.
Reading enjoyment: 6/10
I've mentioned the areas that you need to work on, so if you thoroughly edit your story, then I believe that I'd enjoy it way more. You already have a great character profile on which to expand and your symbolism so far is beautiful. I would like to see how your plot progresses.
Overall thoughts and extra comments: 52/65
You need to remember that your storyline isn't very intricate, so you'd have to place your focus on enhancing your characterization and overall imagery in order to keep readers engaged. A helpful tip would be to enhance your vocabulary, which would inevitably improve your diction and overall narration. So, with all that said, I wish you the best.
