Review of Hello New World, Farewell Forgotten Past Life by Izakai_Lord. This review is by craftychicken.
Title 3/5 I feel like the title might be a little long. I'll try and give some ideas in the review.
Cover 3/5 I don't really like anime- style book covers so this is just my opinion. I'm going to guess that the character on the cover is after the trio get made into one person?
Blurb 4/5 The blurb is fine, just a little short. I'll try and help improve it in the review.
First chapter 8/10 The first chapter is perfectly fine. The characters are all introduced nicely and honestly, not a single spelling error.
Characters 13/15 The characters seem fine, just one small problem which I'll discuss in a moment.
Plot 18/20 The plot has started to kick off by the end of the fourth chapter, however it hasn't really grabbed my attention. I don't really feel invested in the story. Again this is just personal taste.
Grammar/ vocabulary 20/20 Not a single grammar mistake to be seen.
Writing 9/10 I like your writing, it flows nicely. The story moves quite fast and you are not too descriptive which is something I really enjoy.
Personal enjoyment 7/10 Overall, nothing wrong with your story. I'm really just picking tiny things out. I just don't think that this is for me. There is definitely an audience for this though. I'm just not it.
Total 85/100
Review Ok, you didn't give me anything specific to focus on so I'll just discuss things in the same order as in the scoring part.
The title. It's fine, just a bit long. I feel like something shorter could work better. I get it, long titles sound cool. I've made long titles myself but I feel like sometimes less is more.
Here's a few suggestions: (Feel free to use any of these if you want to)
Farewell to the past
Hello to a new world
Forget about your old life
I'm not great with titles but hopefully one of those sounds good to you.
Second, the blurb. Like I said, it's fine, just a little short. I do like it though. Maybe it could be longer. Here's an extended version:
A cold, awkward office worker, a nerdy, fun loving pervert and a girl who's emotionally unstable find themselves in a strange situation. They are all placed into one body. With a new world to explore and new friends to meet along the way, adventure awaits. The only problem is that they're about to shake the very foundations and system of this new world.
I know that's not great. It's the best I could do. Here's a couple of tips on what I think a blurb should do:
It should introduce our main characters.
It should explain a little about the plot.
It should make us want to read the story.
So far you're succeeding on 2 and 3. Just tell us our main character's names when describing their personalities and you'll be all good :)
Ok, characters. Your characters seem perfectly fine. So far they have no flaws. If there is some shown in the next few chapters ignore this but characters need flaws so that they feel more realistic.
Second, you changed the spelling of one of your character's names in chapters 2 and 3. Asora's name was spelled Azora in those two chapters. You should settle for one spelling :)
That's really all I have. Honestly there is nothing that bad about your story. I was really nitpicking when I was trying to give feedback. I hope that the little feedback I was able to give was helpful in some way. You should be proud of your story as it is genuinely really good, it's just not for me.
Thank you so much for allowing me to review your book and I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey.
Craftychicken :)
