Facebook (A Percy Jackson story) (Watty Award Winner 2013)

Chapter 45

~Nico Di Angelo updated his status~

It was late at night on Christmas eve
I was dreaming of the soft white snow
I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree
What it was I did not know

It was Santa Clause he was bringing me some gifts
Unfortunately I did not know that
So I quietly snuck up behind him
And I shot him five times in the back

It went Pow pow pow pow pow
He said "what the fuck ow ow ow"
Then I shot him three more times in the head
Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead

That's when I noticed his blood-soaked beard
And his red suit filled with bullet holes
I said "oh my god I killed santa clause
I'm not going to jail for this asshole" [Hell NO!]

So I went to my shed and I got my saw
And I started to choppipty chop chop
I started with his arms then his legs then his head
And then the torso was a really long job

And the blood went spurt spurt spurt
It was really hard work work work
It was hard cutting through his spine
I must have vomited sixteen times

I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace
The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose [sizzel sizzel]
Eleven hours later there was nothing left
And that's when I heard my telephone

It was Auntie Jean looking for Uncle Bob
She said "He left the house dressed as Santa Clause
But he didn't come home last night
Have you seen him god I hope he's alright"

-comments-

Hazel Levesque: WTF Nico?!

Nico Di Angelo: What? It's a Christmas song!

Percy Jackson: That is one jacked up christmas song!

Nico Di Angelo: Well, I always hated normal Christmas songs, and thankfully there are some funny ones.

Leo Valdez: OK, Stolls you owe me thirty dollars and ten drachmas

Travis Stoll: NO it was twenty dollars and five drachmas

Leo Valdez: NO that was if he only mentioned it slightly you said if he full out told us the story then it was duble everything!

Travis Stoll: Fine. Come and get it after dinner.

Leo Valdez: Heck no I want it now!

Connor Stoll: We don't have it right now!

Leo Valdez: Fine after dinner. You better have it!

Nico Di Angelo: WTF?!

Connor Stoll: We had a bet that you wouldn't become a killer and Leo said you would so now we owe him money. Jerk!

Alice Nick: YOU KILLED SANTA!?!?!?!

Nico Di Angelo: Oh no sweetie. No I didn't kill Santa!

Alice Nick: You killed SANTA! D":

Nico Di Angelo: No it's just a song sweetie, I didn't kill Santa I promise.

Percy Jackson: Who is Alice?

Annabeth Chase: A Hades legacy from camp Jupiter.

Percy Jackson: Oh

Annabeth Chase: She is also a daughter of Aphrodite

Percy Jackson: Weird mix

Annabeth Chase: Yeah...it is

Nico Di Angelo: She isn't talking to me

Annabeth CHase: Why do you care?

Nico Di Angelo: Because she looked up to me and now she thinks that I KILLED! No strike that, BRUTILY MURDERED Santa Clause...I'm an idiot.

Annabeth Chase: How old is she?

Nico Di Angelo: 6

Annabeth Chase: Then why the heck does she have a FACEBOOK?!

Nico Di Angelo: IDK

~Percy updated his status~

Nico is a mad man!

-comments-

Jason Grace: Iay nowkay hatway ouyay eanmay

Percy Jackson: WTF?

Jason Grace: hatway?

Percy Jackson: What the F is wrong with your spellings?

Jason Grace: hatway reaay alkingtay boutaay

Percy Jackson; OK, I seriously have no idea what you are saying.

Jason Grace: t'siay alledcay igpay atainlay

Percy Jackson: OK, never mind.

~Leo Valdez updated his status~

Hips don't lie ;)

-comments-

Lisa Oswald: Oh shut up Leo

Leo Valdez: You make a man want to learn spanish ;)

Lisa Oswald: *rolls her eyes* you already know spanish dumby

Leo Valdez: Oh come on beautiful, one date ;)

Lisa Oswald: I don't think so santa elf

Leo Valdez: I'll tell you I'm the cutiest santa elf EVER! :D

Lisa Oswald: :P

Leo Valdez: Oh come on

Lisa Oswald: If you leave me alone then yes.

Leo Valdez: I'll pick you up at eight! :D

Lisa Oswald: OK, see you then little santa elf

~Leo Valdez updated his staus~

I have a date! I have a DATE! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

-comments-

Jason Grace: tiay oesn'tday fiay ouyay idnapkay erhay

Leo Valdez: o-O

Jason Grace: GGGGGGHHHHHUAY HYWAY OESDAY ONAY NEOAY PEAKSAY IGPAY ATAINLAY?!

Percy JacksoN: It doesn't count if if you kidnap her Leo.

Jason Grace: Iay ustjay aidsay hattay!

Percy Jackson: Um, yeah what ever Jason. Figure out how to type. But Leo seriously let her go. You aren't allowed to kidnap people.

Leo Valdez: I DIDN'T KIDNAP HER!

Percy Jackson: Mhm, I don't believe you.

Leo Valdez: Well I don't care. :P

~Leo Valdez has logged off~

So hope you liked the chapter! It was semi long today :D! I hope the song didn't kill yall! It is a real song called, "Cold Blooded Christmas" and it IS on my iPod. I was listening to it and decided that it would be a good entro! LOL, yeah it is kind of creepy though, I get that. And thanks to GreekFreek12344 for the asonJay's comments! :D

~lilmonkey13~