It Was Always You

●Chapter 8●

"Blessed are the hearts than can bend, they shall never be broken. But I wonder, if there's no breaking there's no healing. And if there's no healing , there's no learning. And if there's no learning, then there's no struggle. And struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?"
-Albert Camus.

I was having a nervous breakdown this morning. With Julian coming back in my life alot of other things have made their way back. Things I tried very hard to push away.

Breathe Emily, breathe. I tried concentrating on my breathing but I couldn't do it for more than 30 seconds before I would start crying again.

This pain is going to go away. It will be okay. It will be okay, I kept chanting to myself between sobs.

I'm wounded and broken but that doesn't mean I won't heal. I will, one day. One day this dull ache in my chest will subside and I will be able to look at myself in the mirror for more than 2 minutes without my thoughts killing me.

And with that and a hot bath followed, I calmed myself. Like I have many other mornings and nights.

It was a Sunday today. I was spending the day with Justin. He said I'd been very quiet at lunch the other day and he wanted me to talk to him. I told him that it was nothing but you can convince your best friend that its 'nothing' when you're practically losing your shît.

Apparently he had the whole day planned out for us and all I had to do was get ready by 1.

I wonder what plans Julian has for the day. Is he going out too? Or just staying at home. Hmm. As long as I remember he used to say "Sudays are supposed to be for going out, exploring the world and broadening your horizons."

My mind wandered to a memory of long long ago.

"Hey Emm" he said with a peck on my lips while entering my house.

He had that smirk. I know this. He's in his badass mode.

"So what kind of trouble are we getting into today?" I asked

"Quite amusing choice of words Sweetcheeks."

I laughed. "No seriously, I know that smirk of yours. Last time you had it, we ended up in the middle of nowhere with a car out of gas and we had to walk back home."