It Was Always You

● Chapter 17 ●

"Goodbyes are never wanted by us,
But instead they are our deepest fears.
Leaving us broken and afraid,
Hoping not to shed any tears.

But when you're sitting alone in your room,
And you feel a part of you has died.
"Take deep breaths," they tell you,
"At least you can say that you've tried."

But it's almost laughable,
Because no one knows the pain in your heart.
It's a salty smile you taste,
You might as well tell him he has torn you apart."
               -Olivia Grace.

You know those moments when there's so much going on in your heart and your mind is feeling so fúcked with everything that's going on, we try to channel those feelings into something. Everybody has a way to deal with situations like these. Some of us write, some of us paint, some of us sing and some of us run. We run and then stop and then start running again until we've come so far that we'd find a possiblity of a new life, a fresh start. That's what I'm doing. Again.

I'm sitting in my office with two neatly folded envelopes containting letters to my two best friends. These letters contain the things that I want to say but can't. I'm going to give these letters to them today at lunch.

As I'm sitting here starring at the clock in front of me, seconds ticking taunting me of the little time I have left.

My life here has been so amazing. I'm going to miss every single thing about this place. This desk on which I've worked for hours, the walls of my office that have seen the best and worst of me, that coffee room at the end of the floor which smells like home. I'm going to miss the cafe that me and Justin went to so often, the restaurant downtown where we three made and lived one of the best memories I've had in my entire life.

It's finally hitting me. This is the end. This is the last time I'm sitting on this chair, in this office. Today might be the last lunch I have with these two. This might be the last time I see them.

I felt tears running down my cheeks. I lifted my hand to wipe them off but it was pointless. I'd been crying since an hour now.

"I have to stop crying. This isn't that bad. I've done it once, I can do it again." I chanted to myself and then took a deep breathe. Wait I know that smell.

Leaning against the door was the man I hoped I didn't see today. Dark hazel eyes met my almost black ones. Shít.

"Do what again?" He asked.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ignored his question.

"Why are you crying?" He ignored mine.

"Why do you care?" I retored back.

"I don't." His eyes held no emotion. Nothing at all. No care, no concern nothing. He just stood there looking at me. He was struggling to say something. I could say from the vein popping out on his forehead.

"What do you want?" I asked getting tired of this.

"You know what I want and I'm here to remind you that you have exactly 10 hours left to change your answer."

I couldn't be here anymore. I looked at the clock again, it was 2. And that means I don't have to be here anymore.

"It's 2 and I'm going to get lunch now so if you'll excuse me." I said walking towards the door.

"Don't make me do something you're not going to like." He said blocking the door.

"Just move."

He just stood there starring at me.