It's a Funny Story

Falling in and out of Love part 2

Decide

to fall in love... think about someone as if you were in love and ACT as if you were in love... whatever that means for you… Notice those thoughts and behaviors, and what, if any, are the effects?

Your first insight might be about the

objections that arise to even doing the exercise. Either you thought, "why bother, this won’t work anyway" (a belief that you have no power over falling in love)... or, "oh, shit, "what if it works — I might actually fall in love and then what?" (This would give you a chance to look at your fears.)...

Common fears and unconscious beliefs:

1. Being in love is too

painful.

2. It

can’t last anyway.

3. It means being

out of control of my life.

4. It means

losing myself in some way.

5. It means putting someone else

above me.

6. It means

losing my freedom.

7. It means I can’t love or be loved by

others.

8. It means I might end up with the wrong person — a

mistake.

9. It means being

vulnerable, to rejection, abandonment.

10. It means "

As these objections arise, you also get a chance to see the very personal needs and desires that, when unconscious, result in "falling in love"... for example, perhaps you need:

1. to

feel something... "passion", or "sexy", or "excited"…

2.

intimacy, closeness, partnership, companionship…

3. a

home — a place where you feel at peace, loved, accepted for who you are, where you can rest, where you belong…

Recognition of any of these needs may also bring up objections, depending on your past experiences and associations. Does your concept of "home", for example, raise beliefs about "it doesn’t last long", you can’t be fully yourself, no space or privacy, chaos... no peace, feelings not allowed ... poor communication, little affection...?

Falling out of Love:

Notice what comes up for you now... any thoughts about "why bother? Why do all that work? Shouldn’t it be effortless? If I have to work at it, maybe it’s not right for me..." ( this relationship, this concept of "home"... whatever).