It's a Funny Story

What is a BEST friend? and A few jokes

1) A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days...

2) A friend helps you up when you fall. A BEST friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

3)A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A BEST friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP-, RUN!"

4) A friend wipes your tears when you’re rejected. A BEST friend goes up to him and says, "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

5)A friend will bail you out of jail. A BEST friend would be in the room next to you saying, "Man, we f*cked up!”

6. "An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body." - Jim Hayes

"A best friend is someone who will close the door while you're changing in the room and guard it cause he knows how embarrassed you are of you man boobs."

 "A best friend is someone who will say 'you suck' when everybody is saying 'you rock'."

 "A best friend who will laugh their *** off when you score an F in a test."

"Friends are like bras, close to your heart and there for support."

 "A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer

"She's my best friend. Break her heart and I'll break your face."

 "Best friends are like peeing you pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel it."

Best Friends means killing each other over a bag of chips and in the end not saying sorry but "Ha Ha too, loser!" were friendz:
you cry, i cry,
you fight, i fight,
you hurt, i hurt,
you laugh, i laugh,
you jump off a bridge,
im gunna miss ur dumb azz

"You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."

* best friends: it's not a label, it's a promise 

 * friends: ask you why you're crying
best friends: already have a shovel ready to bury
the loser that made you cry 

 * Unlike Barbies, me and my girls, aren't sold seperately. 

* Friends don't let friends do stupid things...ALONE *************************************************************************************************** Jokes *************************************************************************************************** A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

******

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

 *******

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."

*******

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

*******

A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, "How did you get such a huge orange head?" The guy says, "Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, I'll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire...what is your first wish?' I said, I'd like all the money I could ever spend.' The genie went Poof!', and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said, What is your second wish?' I said, I'd like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.' The genie went Poof!', and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, And what is your third wish?'...and I think this is where I went wrong...I said, I'd like a huge orange head.'"

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A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."